


chemistry from your company

by emphasizedistruction



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Brendon Urie is a good best friend, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, High School, Light Angst, M/M, Marijuana, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, it's gucci though, just your average highschool au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-01-29 04:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emphasizedistruction/pseuds/emphasizedistruction
Summary: Freshman year of high school was a simpler time for friends Tyler and Josh, until something occurred and led Tyler to suddenly stop being Josh's friend. No reason. No explanation. Years later Josh is still bitter and they kind of hate each other.





	1. I’m clearly not interested

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FAVORITE DEAD PERSON AKA TYLER JOSEPH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome and enjoy

 

 

Tyler sat in his desk and tried desperately to focus on what his teacher was lecturing about, but it was hard when your desk was being obnoxiously jostled by someone’s foot every 10 seconds.

 

That someone’s foot belonging to none other than Joshua freakin’ Dun.

 

He waited until the teacher was sidetracked to turn around and shoot Josh a death glare, receiving a smirk in response.

 

_Damn that 5 year old pink haired ball of stupidity._

 

Tyler inched his desk forward in an attempt to move away from him, earning a glare from his teacher and everyone in the class when the action emitted a loud screech against the tiled floor. He heard Josh snicker but chose not to entertain the idiot with a response.

 

“You should try to be a little more discreet, Joseph.” Josh mumbled from behind him.

 

Tyler felt his face grow hot. It wasn’t his fault the desk had decided to scream Beethoven’s Symphony No.5 in the middle of class, and it definitely wasn’t his fault there was an obnoxious child sitting directly behind him. Regardless, Tyler unfortunately was accustomed to this sort of thing, so he wasn’t especially bothered by it. It was simply another day in the life of Tyler Joseph.

 

“You should try to stop fighting for my attention, Dun. I’m clearly not interested.” he whispered back after everyone seemingly moved on from his incident.

 

Josh looked a little taken back and struggled for a response.

 

“Ah, uh, hm? That’s what I thought. Shut up.” with that, Tyler swiftly turned around, smiling proudly to himself.

 

Josh didn’t bother him for the rest of the class period, completely ignoring the teacher’s unenthusiastic call of “have a great weekend!” when the bell rang as he rushed out of the classroom.

  


❃  

  


By lunch, Tyler’s good mood at having rendered Josh speechless hadn’t faltered at all; not even when they ran out of his favorite popsicles at the snack bar, or when he was shoved by an upperclassman.

 

What could he say? It was a rare and special day when Tyler actually got Josh to stop pestering him every chance he got. He deserved to be a little smug.

 

He took his seat at his regular lunch table, accompanied by his two best and only friends, Dallon and Ashley. They both looked up, Dallon from a book and Ashley from playing with her food, and smiled.

 

“How’s our little Ty guy doing today?” Ashley asked, abandoning her mess of mash potatoes to talk.

 

He rolled his eyes at the nickname and replied. “I’m pretty good. How are you guys?”

 

Dallon gave a quick thumbs up in response, not looking up from his book. Ashley glared at him.

 

“You know,” she said, scooping a mouthful of potatoes into her mouth and swallowing, “I’m convinced you only sit here to read and not look like a total loser.”

 

That grabbed Dallon’s attention. He looked up and flickered his eyes between Tyler and Ashley, an inexpressive look on his face. “Sue me for liking to read. It expands your vocabulary _and_ strengthens your brain’s ability to do things. Maybe you should try it sometime, Ash.”

 

At that, Ashley flicked a spoonful of mashed potatoes at Dallon, to which he chuckled dryly and used a finger to swipe the food from his shirt and into his mouth.

 

“You guys are actual children. Maybe even worse than Josh.” Tyler remarked, shifting his focus towards his food.

 

“Oh, Tyler. That’s really low.” he heard Dallon reply.

 

Tyler shrugged nonchalantly and continued to eat his crappy school food. The group fell into a comfortable silence, Dallon picking up his book again and Ashley entertaining herself on her phone. It was then that Tyler thought he should mention his and Josh’s recent encounter, but a loud noise coming from some feet away stole his attention before he could.

 

“Dude, you fucking suck! You have to step on it harder, like this.” Brendon Urie was yelling at Josh and a few of their other friends, laughing like a maniac as he displayed how to correctly step on an inflated plastic bag to get it to pop.

 

Tyler rolled his eyes at their immaturity. Seriously, they were juniors in highschool, were they ever going to grow out of their middle school attitudes?

 

Apparently not, because now Josh was stepping on another bag and smiling to himself in satisfaction as it let out a loud pop.

 

Stupid guy, with his stupid too-wide smile and stupid skinny tank top and stupid bright pink hair and stupid black, ripped jeans and stupid muscular arms. Josh was stupid.

 

Tyler hadn’t meant to let his gaze on the stupid boy linger for too long; he didn’t realize he had been staring until Brendon caught his eye and smirked. “Hey, Tyyyyy-ler. You just gonna sit there and stare or do you wanna come and give it a shot?” Josh and the rest of his friends turned towards him, all looking slightly amused.

 

“The fuck is their problem now?” Ashley said, beginning to stand up but Tyler quickly pulled her wrist to get her to sit back down. Her patience had been worn down to practically nothing with anything regarding Josh or Brendon. Dallon turned away from his book and looked on to them with the most intense look he had, which was pretty darn intense. It could put anyone in their place if they didn’t have brains the size of a walnut. Too bad for Brendon, Josh, and the rest of them in this case.

 

Tyler spoke quietly as if Brendon or someone else would hear. “Just ignore them. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”

 

Ashley huffed and stubbornly went back to messing with her food, and Dallon simply stayed quiet, going back to his reading. Brendon had also moved on to do something else by now, luckily.

 

Tyler couldn’t quite shake it off as easily, though, because Josh was peering so intently towards him, or maybe past him, but the latter possibility was unlikely. Something about the way Josh was looking at him made goosebumps prick his skin; it was downright predatory- especially considering everyone else in the group had reoccupied themselves by now.

 

Even after some time passed and the end of lunch was fast approaching, Tyler felt Josh’s eyes on him. He felt his gaze even as he talked casually with his friends and tried to ignore how uneasy it made him feel.

 

It was getting to the point where Tyler was considering walking over towards his death and asking Josh just why the hell he thought it was okay to stare at people.

 

He _hated_ Josh Dun.

 

Finally, the bell rang, and Tyler quickly exchanged goodbyes with his friends and jogged to class, avoiding Josh (and his friends, of course) the entire time.

 


	2. He's also the worst ever

“And God, Hails, he has the most annoying poofy hair you’ve ever seen. It’s just everywhere and I don’t think he’s ever brushed it in his life!”

 

“I don’t think he  _ needs  _ to.” Hayley replied, rolling onto her stomach and looking onto a frustrated Josh pacing the width of his bedroom. 

 

“Yeah, but he should because it’s out of control. It makes him look like a, like, uh-” 

 

“Adorable?” 

 

Josh stopped and looked Hayley dead in the eye. “You’re disgusting.” 

 

She cackled, rolling her eyes. “I know you are but what am I?” 

 

“Hayley! This is  _ serious.”  _ Josh slouched into his desk chair and sighed. 

 

“I know, I know-  _ Tyler Joseph is a jerk and he sucks and he’s also the worst ever.”  _

 

Josh ignored her remarks and felt his heartbeat pick up with the familiar sensation he got whenever he thought too hard about Tyler. He huffed and tried to find words that explained how he felt.“You don’t get it though, everyday I have to see him and put up with his stupid snarky comments. Like, where does he even get his sas from? His parents are some of the most conservative people I know, and that’s saying a lot.” 

 

Hayley simply nodded, listening intently as Josh continued to speak. His hands were moving in emphasis as he elaborately ranted to her. 

 

“And okay, maybe I’d be fine if I didn’t have to deal with him out of school, but  _ no! _ I get two days and then right back on Sunday I have to go look at his stupid face during church! But get this, sometimes it’s only  _ one  _ day if the church is having an event during the weekend, which happens way too often.” 

 

Hayley sat up on the bed, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Josh’s knee as he tried to even out his breathing. 

 

“I’m sorry he’s such a problem, Josh. But remember he’s just a dude, same as you, and has feelings too, whether or not you wanna believe that. Cut him open and he’ll bleed red just like you.” 

 

Josh unclenched his fists from where he’d involuntarily tightened them during his rant, letting Hayley’s words and her gentle touch settle him down. 

 

“I hate that he gets me so riled up without even doing anything. He isn’t even here right now!” Josh said, letting his hands fall slack onto his thighs. He exhaled and tried to further relax himself, but the mere thought of Tyler made him want to put a hole in his wall. 

 

And it wasn’t even his fault. Tyler had been his friend at one point, for Christ’s sake, until high school hit and sent their friendship into a downward spiral. He never even understood why Tyler would suddenly shy away from him or avoid his texts. He tried  _ so  _ hard to understand. 

 

Even when people would question why they suddenly hated each other, (and Josh had no hate towards Tyler whatsoever), Josh would always defend him. He spoke so highly of Tyler regardless of the way he was suddenly being completely disregarded by him. 

 

That had been one of the worst points in Josh’s life. He was practically shunned by one of his best friends (one of his  _ only  _ friends at the time, really, save for Hayley), and for seemingly no reason at all. If there was one, he was never made aware of it. 

 

So yeah, Josh was still somewhat bitter over it all. But he’s grown a lot and changed since then; he has actual friends now who he knows care for him, even with their tendency to be dicks at times. He’s learned how to put up a front and keep his guard up for the sake of his well-being. 

 

Most importantly, he’s learned just how to work Tyler’s last nerve and how to act so nonchalant about it all, even if all his shenanigans were done to capture his attention. 

 

Maybe one day he could try and gain his well-deserved closure from Tyler, but for now, their past meant nothing. They were completely different people with completely different lives, who the other was no longer a part of. 

 

They were strangers. 

 

Josh felt Hayley tug on his hand, and he was drawn back into reality and away from his thoughts. “You still with me?” 

 

He nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. Thanks for letting me complain, like always.” 

 

Hayley shrugged nonchalantly. “Anytime Josh, you know I love listening. Now it’s my turn to rant.” 

 

And that’s exactly what she did. Josh listened to her talk about her issues, giving her his undivided attention, thankful to not have to think about Tyler for a while. 

  
  


❃

 

Josh busied himself the remainder of his weekend with skateboarding around the neighbourhood and banging the crap out of his drums until Sunday rolled around. He always dread this day for a multitude of reasons: 

 

One, he was easily bored by the repetitive spiritual messages being spoken about  _ every week.  _ If God was so powerful and almighty, he should’ve given people more things to talk about. 

 

Two, he didn’t miss the way everyone there silently judged him about all his colored hair and gauged ear mess. His parents had eventually come around, as did most members of the church community, but that didn’t mean no one ever noticed how much he stood out amongst everyone. 

 

Three, he was always put in charge of cleanup duty afterwards, which wasn’t such a huge problem in itself aside from the fact that Tyler was also on cleanup duty. 

 

And that brings him to his fourth reason: Tyler Joseph. At school, he could pretend to hate him with no repercussions, but at church, he had to be civil and refrain from saying anything snarky or kicking the back of his seat. That didn’t stop him from occasionally rolling his eyes towards him or deliberately making a small mess where he was in charge of cleaning, though. 

 

All in all, church was simply something he attended to make his parents happy. They did a lot for him, and the least he could do was return the favor in some way. 

 

Getting ready to face the day ahead of him, Josh stood in the mirror and straightened his tie. He sprayed cologne generously on his body and messed with his hair until he was somewhat satisfied, nodding to himself and walking out into the living room to meet his family. 

 

“Looking sharp as always, baby.” Josh’s mother Laura cooed from a few feet away, where she was crouched down in an attempt to fix his younger sister’s hair. 

 

“Thanks, mom.” Josh blushed, disgusted with himself at the fact that he still gets flustered with compliments even if they come from his own mother. 

 

“I think we’re all set. You guys can start heading out into the van.” Laura said, to which all of her children filed out of the door. She tossed Josh the keys over her shoulder. 

 

Josh helped all of his siblings buckle themselves and ignited the engine so he could pick the radio station, groaning when none other but the song he used to listen to with Tyler played over the speakers. 

 

It was going to be another long day. 

 


	3. Just tell your mom to say no. Bye.

As everyone sat in the pews and listened to the harmonious sound of the organ while they waited for the ceremony to begin, Tyler’s mother leaned over to talk quietly with him. “After the ceremony, find that Josh boy and invite him and his family over for dinner.”

 

“ _ What? _ ” Tyler tensed, bewildered at the words that just left his mother’s mouth. 

 

“What? We’ve never really had an opportunity to get to know them! You and Josh  _ were _ friends at one point, if I remember correctly.” his mother kept a soft tone despite her being a bit thrown off by Tyler’s odd reaction with her simple request. 

 

“We were never friends.” he defended right away. “I just, I, um. I don’t know if that’s a really  _ good  _ idea..” he trailed off, desperate in trying to come up with a good enough excuse to convince his mom to blow the whole thing off. He could not, he  _ would  _ not let Josh taint his house with his presence. He wouldn’t let him eat  _ his  _ food at  _ his  _ table. 

 

“You’re being ridiculous. There’s no harm in inviting them over for dinner, Tyler.” 

 

There was harm. Oh boy, there was a crap ton of harm. But Tyler didn’t get to explain this, being interrupted by his pastor beginning the ceremony. His mother simply gave him a sharp look, one that read “ _ you better had listen to me and do what I asked.”  _ He tried to avoid defying his parents at any costs. It was pointless to try and argue; his mother thought she was doing an act of goodwill, and little to nothing could have convinced her to do otherwise once her mind was set. 

 

Tyler tuned out everything his pastor said, not even singing when it came time for hymns. He couldn’t get the thought of Josh sitting at his dining room table, smiling at all his siblings and eating the food that he was most likely going to have to help prepare, out of his head. 

 

He was dreading the end of the session. Even though his pastor’s monotone voice was tiring, and even though his siblings became restless and his parents grew more irritated by the minute, he never wanted it to end. 

 

Unfortunately, it did. The pastor gave a closing prayer and everyone shuffled out of the nave and towards their bible study classrooms. He watched as people stopped to greet each other, observing everyone’s attire, trying to take his mind off of what he was going to have to do. 

 

The nave became less cluttered, and Tyler waved to his younger siblings as they walked out of the room. He was left to clean, despite the church being just as spotless as the week prior, but he was in no place to protest. 

 

His mother gave him a stern reminder to talk to Josh, and he figured getting it over with straight away would be the easiest way to go about it. Sighing and finally moving out of the pew, he politely pushed passed people conversing through the aisles until he came within eyesight of Josh, who was speaking with an elder. He had a polite smile plastered on his face, nodding faintly as he was being spoken to. He was wearing the same suit he did every week, but somehow he managed to make it look brand new. 

 

Tyler really needed to break his bad habit of staring, because Josh caught his eye and crooked an eyebrow. The older man seem to have noticed Josh’s shift of attention, because he looked back, noticing Tyler. He clapped Josh on the shoulder and went on his way towards the exit. 

 

Josh didn’t move, keeping his eyes directly trailed on Tyler. He watched as Tyler took a deep breath and reluctantly walked towards him. Josh tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered at how he looked so skittish and scared. He never wanted to make the other boy feel like this around him, but things happen, he supposed.

 

“I’m gonna make this quick. My mom wants you and your family over for dinner. Not sure when, she didn’t say.” 

 

Josh was rendered speechless for a second, watching as Tyler fought to look him in the face. He kept his gaze strictly towards his feet as he waited for a response. 

 

“Uh, why?” was all Josh could manage to say. 

 

He looked up again. “I don’t know, okay? Just tell your mom to say no. Bye.” with that, Tyler walked past him and out of the room, leaving Josh to stand there completely shocked. 

 

Tyler hadn’t been that close to Josh in over a year, let alone had an actual conversation with him. He was wearing too much cologne and he couldn’t help but notice the small stubble that poked out from his chin. He also had more freckles on his face than before when he knew him, if that was possible. 

 

But Tyler didn’t have the urge to punch him in his face, surprisingly, and he didn’t know how to feel about that information. 

 

He decided he’d do his cleaning outside today, retrieving tools from the adjoining shed to rake up the leaves that fell loose from the big oak trees painted various shades of orange and red from the fall season. 

 

He tried not to dwell on the thought of Josh, putting his focus into the task at hand. He raked up the leaves into one pile, discarding them into a big plastic bag. He used the scenario as a metaphor for his thoughts: gathering all his scattered feelings, bringing them together and throwing them away where hopefully they wouldn’t resurface. 

Monday was going to suck- no,  _ next week entirely _ was going to suck. 

 


	4. I don’t think you want each other dead

Josh finished cleanup away from Tyler at the very back of the church where he knew he most likely wouldn’t go. Luckily so, because the area genuinely needed cleaning, and it was nice to have a task to keep his mind from unwantedly wandering too far. He couldn’t really allow himself to dwell on what had just occurred. He was trying to avoid the subject in hopes it would just simply go away. 

 

Dinner at Tyler Joseph’s house.

 

A million questions ran through his head as he cleaned, none of which he had a distinct answer to. He just willed himself to finish his task until it was over and he was ready to go home. He made his way toward the front of the church, exchanging small greetings with remaining guests as he did so. 

 

He walked with his shoulders perched and head held high despite his desire to curl into himself and shy away from everyone he encountered. He continued on until he reached outside and the cool air hit his face and took the oxygen out of his lungs. He took a second to bask in the fresh air, running his cold fingers through the heat entangled within his hair. He admired the newly raked yard and the smell of soil. 

 

After a minute, he exhaled and began the short trek home. Sometimes someone from church or school would offer a ride, but he didn’t mind walking. It was always a good way for him to clear his head.

He took his time walking home, waving to passersby who waved to him and kicking small pebbles along the way. On arrival to his house, Josh fell into bed and slept until his parents called him for dinner, where he reluctantly informed them about their invitation to the Joseph’s house for a meal. 

  
  


❃ 

  
  


Brendon threw his head back, laughing breathily and clapping his hands together loudly. Josh wasn’t even the slightest bit amused. 

 

“Oh  _ man,  _ I am sorry, truly, but seriously? They invited you over for dinner?” Brendon spoke between fits of chuckles. 

 

Josh looked around the classroom nervously, eyeing the people whose attention was caught by Brendon’s obnoxious outburst. He waited until Brendon was relatively done to speak. “It’s not funny. And it’s not like I could just say  _ no-”  _

 

“You could have.” 

 

Josh huffed. “I know his mom. If I remember correctly, she’s almost a bigger hardass than he is.” 

 

Brendon nodded understandingly, a small smirk still on his face. He was trying not to laugh. 

 

“What.. what do I do? It’s gonna be really awkward, not to mention the freaking possibility my family and I might be poisoned.” 

 

“Oh come on J, you and I both know Tyler would never do that. As much as y’all pretend to hate each other, I don’t think you want each other dead.” 

 

“I’m not pretending to hate him. I really hate him.” Josh said sternly. 

 

Brendon rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure. Either way, I think you’ll make it out alive if you try hard enough.” 

 

“You’re not gonna tell me to come up with a way to get out of it?” Josh whined. 

 

“It’s fucking hilarious. Of course I’m not gonna. I want to see how this shit goes.” Brendon replied, earning himself a glare from the teacher. Josh huffed in defeat, slumping back into his chair. “Let’s just get some work done.” 

 

At that, Brendon obnoxiously brought his hand up to Josh’s face, pinching his cheek between his fingers and cooing sarcastically. “Is someone upseeeet?” 

 

“Get away from me.” Josh moved his face away from the reach of Brendon, swatting his hand. 

 

For the rest of the period, they chatted absently, Brendon occasionally laughing to himself. Josh sent him a glare to shut him up, and the process would repeat within a few minutes. The dismissal bell eventually rang, igniting the fire of students thumping down the halls and into their new classes. 

 

Josh kept his eyes peeled for Tyler. He’d been on edge all day, constantly looking out of the corners of his eye in hopes to see a truffle of brown hair and dark eyes. 

 

It was pointless, because Josh knew when and where he would see Tyler: in 2nd period, where Tyler sat in front of him, passing period between 4th and 5th, lunch, then 6th and 7th period. 

He strung his backpack over his shoulder and continued down the crowded hallways until he reached his second period class. 

 

English. Josh definitely preferred his music and gym class. He was never exceptional at core subjects. 

 

Not like Tyler was. 

 

Tyler, who was already seated in his usual spot, his gaze trained strictly towards the board where bellwork was assigned- 

 

**_Work with the person behind you you to create a short skit regarding the events that took place in our recent chapter of ‘Othello.’_ **

 

Josh’s heart stopped dead in his chest. He felt his throat swell and momentarily debated on running out of the classroom. 

 

He forced himself to walk forward and he took his seat behind Tyler, pushing his backpack towards the ground after retrieving a piece of paper and a pencil. He anticipated that Tyler would be just as adamant about getting this over with as he was, but even after the late bell rang, he didn’t move in his seat. 

 

Tyler kept his head turned forwards, obviously avoiding Josh completely. 

 

Josh cleared his throat once.

 

Twice. 

 

He waited a few moments, looking around at everyone partnered up and already beginning to spread out throughout the classroom to practice. 

 

Tyler wasn’t moving. 

 

“Tyler.” 

 

The boy visibly tensed, but didn’t move his head to turn around. Josh was growing more irritated by the second. He sighed audibly out of annoyance and pushed himself up and away from his desk, bringing his chair and placing it right beside Tyler’s desk. “If you could stop acting like a 5-year-old for a minute, that would really be great. We have to get this done.” 

 

Tyler’s gaze faltered a bit. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and exhaling. Josh waited patiently, regardless of the urge to scream at him.

 

“Look, I don’t want to do this as much as you don’t, but the faster we can get this done, the faster we can-” 

 

“It’s not you.” Tyler mumbled, his eyes still closed. 

 

“Uh. What?”

 

Another deep breath. “For once, you’re not the problem.” 

 

“Then.. what’s the problem?” Josh knew he looked as utterly confused as he felt. 

 

Finally, Tyler’s gaze slowly met Josh’s and  _ no,  _ Josh didn’t internally squeal at seeing his big brown eyes from up this close. “I just. I don’t do well with.. you know.” 

 

Josh looked at Tyler, really  _ looked  _ at him, for the first time in over two years, and saw the same friendly eyes that he used to; the same look Tyler would give him when he would tell him secrets or ask for advice. And then it clicked. Josh remembered,  _ how could he ever forget,  _ Tyler’s fear of public speaking. He reminisced the time they were in biology together during freshman year when they were asked to give a presentation on the function of cells. Tyler had an anxiety attack in front of the entire class and wasn’t able to live it down for the rest of the year. 

 

Josh suddenly grew painfully aware of the tension that sat thick between them, and instinct took over. “Heh. Yeah. I remember that time in freshman year.” he said involuntarily. Teasing Tyler had become so natural for him now, it was all he knew how to do to keep things from being awkward. 

 

He expected Tyler to lash out at him, or simply ignore him, but he definitely didn’t expect the boy to start  _ cackling _ . Tyler just sat there, his shoulders bouncing as laughter wracked his entire body, soft puffs of air escaping his lips. 

 

Josh remained sitting, dumbfounded, looking around the classroom in an attempt not to stare at Tyler. He figured it was some nervous tick Tyler had; laughing under stressful circumstances. They were the only ones still seated, and he was growing more uncomfortable by the second, but he sat still and waited for Tyler to finish with his outburst. 

 

Tyler finally settled down after a few minutes. His face was red and flushed, his chest heaving up and down as he caught his breath. 

 

Josh cleared his throat. “I don’t think I said anything that funny,” 

 

Tyler met his eye again. “I can’t believe you remember that.” he huffed, shaking his head. A few seconds of silence between them passed, filled with soft murmurs throughout the classroom until the teacher called a 5 minute warning. Tyler seemed to switch back into panic mode then. His face fell into his hands and his leg began bouncing up and down underneath the desk. 

 

This would be the perfect opportunity to make fun of Tyler; he was vulnerable and weak and Josh knew how easy it would be to simply treat the situation as a joke, but even he couldn’t bring himself to do that to someone, especially that someone being Tyler. 

 

And if Tyler decided to give him shit for being a softie after it was all over, well, he could live with that. 

 

“I’ll make you a deal.” Josh said, to which Tyler’s head perked up with a look that read  _ sure you big idiot, let’s hear what you got.  _

 

“You write the stuff and I’ll get up there and perform it myself. But you need to write it all. I’m not helping.” 

 

Tyler contemplated for a second. His eyebrows came together in thought. Then he smiled,  _ smiled,  _ and nodded slowly. “Okay, Dun. You get your idiot self up there all by your idiot lonesome and I’ll write all of this.” 

 

Josh rolled his eyes and tried to hide the grin that was trying to push itself out of the inner skirts of his being. “You better not make me look stupid.” 

 

“You don’t need  _ my _ help with that.” 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the love y'all <3 I really love getting feedback so don't hesitate to leave a comment. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it


	5. Happy now, cry baby?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday was thanksgiving in America and if you don't celebrate it, that's okay, I just wanted to say I'm grateful for anyone who takes time to read my writing. Much love for ya

Tyler watched in amusement as Josh reenacted the argument between  Roderigo, the nobleman, and Iago, playing the part of each person. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t sort of, like, endearing, watching the guy jump between places in the front of the classroom and switching his voice to fit each person. It was embarrassing for Josh, but the rest of the class was enjoying it just as much as he was. Josh made a habit of embarrassing himself anyways.

 

Tyler tried to suppress his smile, using his sleeved arm to hide his face. He watched as Josh took a bow and blushed when the classroom erupted into a fit of applause and giggles. 

 

“Happy now, cry baby?” Josh whispered as he walked past Tyler, grabbing his chair and swinging it back behind his own desk. He grumpily slumped into it and huffed towards Tyler. 

 

“Very. Thanks.” Tyler tried to put on the best shit-eating grin he could muster. 

 

“I hate you.” 

 

“I’m aware.” 

 

“Good!” Josh whispered harshly. They both rolled their eyes and watched as the rest of their classmates took turns performing. None of them were nearly as amusing as Josh’s was, but it was still entertaining nonetheless. 

 

Eventually the class finished, and the teacher went on to talk about how “ _ performing teaches people to better comprehend something and express it from their own point of view in hopes of reaching others _ .” Tyler vaguely thought about his poems and bits of songs he’d made and how he wished he could reach someone the way his teacher talked about. But he didn’t let himself dwell on that. It was pointless. 

 

“The rest of the class time is yours. 5 minutes.” his teacher announced, to which everyone took out their phones or turned to each other to talk. 

 

Tyler decided he would use the opportunity to take a short nap. He got about 10 seconds in until Josh cleared his throat behind him and began talking. “So, about that whole dinner thing.” 

 

Tyler reluctantly turned around and tried not to make eye contact with the pink haired boy. 

 

“My mom agreed to it, of course. I couldn’t really get her to say no. Sorry.” 

 

Tyler sighed. “I kind of anticipated that. It’s all good.” 

 

“So.. what day works for you?” Josh played with his hair nervously as he talked. 

 

Tyler’s body was starting to cramp from being turned in his desk so awkwardly, and he looked at the clock hanging on the wall. 3 minutes. 

 

“Uh, any day this week my mom said.” 

 

“Wednesday sound good?” 

 

“Sure. I’ll let her know.” 

 

“Cool.” 

 

Tyler cleared his throat, unsure of how to go from here. Do him and Josh go back to kicking each other’s seats and making fun of each other? Did Tyler even  _ want  _ to hate Josh again? 

 

Did he ever truly hate him in the first place? 

 

“I’m gonna, uh, go line up by the door. See ya.” Josh said, grabbing his backpack and not giving Tyler a chance to respond. 

  
  


❃

  
  


“Do you think-” Dallon swallowed a bite of the apple he had taken moments prior, “-that it would be possible for us to hang out this weekend?” 

 

“Why do you feel the need to ask questions like that?” Ashley asked, her eyebrows perched towards Dallon. 

 

Dallon looked toward Ashley and deadpanned, “Why do you feel the need to persecute me?” 

 

“Guys. Please. Yes Dallon, we can hang out this weekend. What did you have in mind?” Tyler interrupted, preventing any further argument between his two friends. 

 

Dallon shrugged and took another bite of his apple. “We could hang out at your house and play Mario Kart?” 

 

Tyler tensed and swallowed thickly. “No.” 

 

Ashley and Dallon looked on to him with concern plastered on their faces. Tyler looked down and tried to avoid the sudden change of atmosphere. He focused on his hands in his lap and waited a few seconds before replying. 

 

Distant memories of him and Josh sitting at his TV flashed in his mind; them cross legged and smiling, yelling at one another about winning or losing the race, and lingering touches as their arms or legs brushed against each other…

 

“I mean, you guys can come over, but I don’t, like… have Mario Kart.” he winced at how meek his own voice sounded. 

 

“Okay. Then it’s a date!” Ashley said, taking the layer of tension off of the group. Tyler was thankful for her- she knew not to press when he became closed off about something or started acting weird. 

 

“Can I bring lasagna?” Dallon asked, causing Tyler to chuckle. 

 

“Knock yourself out, Dallon.” 

 

Dallon gave a swift thumbs up and took another bite of his apple. The group fell into a comfortable silence from there, and Tyler figured now was a good time to update them about the events in his life. 

 

“So, guys.” Tyler said, gaining both of his friends’ attention. He was never good with beating around the bush, nor was he good with words in a way that most normal people generally were. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing and calming himself, and spoke. 

 

“Josh is coming over for dinner on Wednesday night.” 

 

It was dead silent for a second, only the chatter of the lunch crowd filling the atmosphere, before the words that escaped Tyler’s lips registered between them. Ashley’s and Dallon’s eyes both simultaneously widened in shock as they searched for something to say. 

 

“And… how did this come about?” Dallon spoke first, waving his hand for emphasis as he proposed the question.  

 

Tyler shrugged and tried to act as nonchalant as possible, although his heart was beating weirdly fast and his head felt like it was spinning. “My mom made me invite him and his family for dinner. You know how she is.” 

 

His friends both shared of look of mutual understanding, Ashley sighing and Dallon nodding his head. “So, I’m guessing you guys had to have talked about it, right? What happened?” Ashley inquired. 

 

Tyler was dreading this; the whole Josh spew and his confusing emotions, but he figured it was inevitable. He took a deep breath and chose his words carefully. 

 

“Well I invited him at church Sunday and then we talked today in class. Like a conversation that didn’t consist of us making fun of each other. And guys, I didn’t want to punch him in the face both of those times. And he’s being like, relatively decent to me. I don’t know what’s going on.” 

 

“Holy shit.” Ashley replied immediately, Tyler not missing the way she looked at Josh across the room in bewilderment. 

 

“Don’t look at him!” 

 

Ashley quickly snapped her head back towards Tyler. “Sorry. This is just crazy.”

 

Dallon nodded in agreement. “Never would have seen this coming, honestly.” 

 

“Is is  _ that  _ huge of a surprise, though? My mom invites every family in the city over for dinner. It was only a matter of time.” Tyler stated. 

 

“Not the dinner thing- just, the Josh not being a total asshole to you.” Ashley declared, the confused look still prominent on her face.  

 

“I just think he’s doing it so dinner won’t be completely miserable. He’ll be right back to kicking my desk on Thursday morning.” Tyler admit. 

Dallon chimed in next. “So what, he’ll come over and it’ll be super awkward and weird, and he’ll go back to pretending to hate you the next day, or he’ll come over and you guys end up rekindling your friendship. Either way it won’t be that bad.”  

 

Tyler contemplated for a second, fantasizing the possibility of him and Josh becoming friends again. The idea was appealing, he wouldn’t lie, but there were so many complications and repercussions that would follow. He couldn’t break the dam he put up to block out the flood that was Josh and the things he made Tyler… feel. 

 

“I don’t want to be his friend again.” 

 

Dallon’s hand came up in mock defense. “Whatever.” 

 

“I know you don’t like talking about it,” Ashley started, using a gentle tone, “but if you want to maybe, open up about what happened...” 

 

Tyler watched as Ashley and Dallon looked patiently onto him. In all honesty, he’d thought about confessing multiple times, but every time he got close to telling them, he would freak out and the words would fail to escape his mouth. He couldn’t even determine what made him feel so uneasy about the entire situation. Tyler simply could not admit to himself or anyone else the truth entailed to Joshua Dun. 

 

“Maybe this weekend we can talk about it.” he decided.  

 

Ashley seemed content enough with that answer, and the group of friends resumed normal conversation for the duration of lunch. 

 

As the day went on, and Tyler attended each of his classes, there was a weird sensation following him around; he was hyper-aware of Josh’s presence everywhere he went, and they made discreet eye contact a few times throughout the day. Tyler was sure Josh even smiled at him once, too. 

 

All in all, Tyler was already yearning towards the end of the week, and it was barely even Monday. 


	6. I'm high on life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FAVORITE DEAD PERSON AKA TYLER JOSEPH

Tuesday night.

 

Less than one day before Josh was going to have to face Tyler and his family at dinner in their house. He wasn’t necessarily dreading it, seeing as though Tyler had been pretty nice to him lately, but he had absolutely no idea what to expect. He simply let time slip past him without dwelling too hard on what the future consisted of.  

 

It was just a dinner with a family. Nothing more, nothing less. But Josh couldn’t help the feeling he had of wanting to what,  _ impress  _ the Joseph family? He blew his chances with that one, he thought, when Tyler most likely told them every possible horrible thing he could have about him. The Josephs’ had never been too fond of Josh, regardless. 

 

But then again, Tyler had spontaneously decided to terminate their friendship, so maybe he simply denied everything about Josh to anyone who inquired anything. Either way, Josh would be damned if he wouldn’t attend this dinner in stride. He wasn’t going to let his reputation get pushed over and trampled on due to a confused high school boy who clearly had attachment issues. 

 

_ Yeah, so much for not dwelling on it,  _ Josh thought, deciding he needed a distraction. He rolled over his mussed up sheets and looked at the clock resting on his nightstand. 10:05 pm. It was never too late for a walk, right?

 

Josh slipped into his Nike shoes and covered himself with a light black sweater, flipping the hood over his head. He nodded to himself in the dim light of his room and quietly opened his door, carefully sneaking past his sleeping parent’s bedroom and going down the stairs two at a time. 

 

Josh found his little brother Jordan in the living room, watching something on adult swim. Upon noticing his older brother, Jordan quickly jumped for the remote and switched the TV to off. Josh laughed. 

 

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” he said simply, unlocking his front door and quietly slipping out of the suffocating and confining atmosphere of his house. He began down the sidewalk of his street and walked with his hands in his pockets and his mind focused on the ground under his feet. He inhaled and let the crisp cold air burn his lungs as he looked around, observing the earth in its darkened state. 

 

Josh had never been much of an indoorsy kind of person. He always deeply preferred being outside, where the wind carried your hair in its wake and the trees stood tall enough to shelter your happiness from the cold reality of the world. 

  
  
  


Most people were sleeping by now, he figured, but if they were anything like Josh, they’d be awake with their heads spinning, desperately needing an alternative to maybe ease some of the overwhelming emotions they were feeling. Some of them would get it. Some of them wouldn’t. 

 

Josh continued walking down the sidewalk, admiring the sensation of goosebumps prickling his skin as a draft passed every minute or so. He listened to the sounds of a sleeping earth, the occasional howl of a dog or of the wind disturbing the trees’ leaves, taking it all in. He let it seep under his skin and put his worries temporarily at rest. 

 

In moments like this, Josh couldn’t care about his problems. They were all so miniscule and irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. If only he could feel this way all the time. 

 

He somewhat wished he could have been born a tree. Or a sidewalk, maybe. 

 

Josh walked until the burning of his lungs became uncomfortable and his entire body was shaking from the cold. Around 12 o’clock is when he finally made it back inside of his house with a sleeping Jordan on the couch. He covered his little brother with a blanket, feeling the heat radiate off his skin. 

 

Josh loved the cold, no doubt, but right now getting curled up into a blanket and cranking the heat was the most appealing thing to him. 

 

He snuck back into his bedroom, removing all of his clothes save for his boxers, and got under his covers. 

 

He sighed and let himself fall into a peaceful sleep. 

  
  
  


❃

  
  
  


The next morning when Josh woke up, he felt more relaxed than he had in a long time, despite not getting a decent amount of sleep and the events he was going to be dealing with that day. 

 

His bones ached and his lungs were sore in the best way possible as he got up from his bed to quite his alarm. The sun was gleaming brightly, illuminating the deep bags under Josh’s eyes. He internally reminded himself to ice them before he left.  He stretched and groaned under the strain of his muscles, loud enough for the entire house to hear. He couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

He opened his closet and looked for something to wear, settling on dark jeans and a black t-shirt that complimented his biceps. He smiled softly to himself. 

 

Today was not going to wear him down. He wasn’t going to allow a single thing to disrupt this rare sense of peace he found for himself. 

 

Josh spent the rest of his morning humming to himself as he got ready, giving each of his siblings a kiss and a hug good morning. He actually ate breakfast, too, feeling full and satisfied as his mom drove him to school. 

 

Upon arrival, Josh watched the students as they walked around with frowns painting their faces. He took special notice to a girl with dark hair and even darker makeup sitting alone at a bench, face twisted in a scowl as she looked around. Josh didn’t think twice before he walked to her, stopping directly in front of her. She looked up and scowled even more, if that was possible. 

 

“I bet a smile would look really nice on you.” he said. He didn’t let her react before he was walking into the doors of the school to begin his day. 

 

Brendon had assumed he was completely stoned, to which Josh casually replied “I’m high on life.” As promised, he didn’t let anything falter his good mood. Josh even found himself looking forward to his evening dinner for the very first time when the school day came to an end and he was walking home. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you guys couldn't already tell, this is going to be pretty slow burn but I personally feel like slow burn is better but if you don't feel the same, do not fret, it will be so so so worth the wait. I can promise you that. 
> 
> keep commenting and leaving kudos. I love it.


	7. Deep breaths

Tyler’s heart was beating erratically against his ribcage as he helped his mom prepare the food that was soon going to be fed to Josh and his family. He wasn’t especially concerned about the presentation or letting the family down; his mom always impressed her guests when she went all out for a dinner like this. No, his main concerns were what the evening itself would consist of. What would Tyler say? Would conversation flow naturally, leaving Tyler to simply sit, eat, and look engaged? Or would he have to participate in conversation; one of his weakest subjects?

 

Surely Josh’s family would remember him. He’d been around them for a good amount time and too consistently for them not to. He figured that he was going to have to answer some uncomfortable questions, and he had no idea how he was going to. 

 

His thoughts did nothing to ease his panic. He was jittery and had a small tremor as he stirred things and peeled things at his mother’s request. 

 

“Why are you so… antsy?” his mother inquired, looking over her shoulder as she dropped potatoes into boiling water. 

 

Tyler shrugged as he kept at work. “I don’t know. I always get nervous when we have a lot of guests.” 

 

His mother nodded and turned back toward the stove, much to Tyler’s satisfaction. They continued in silence for a while before his mom finally allowed Tyler to leave. “Go get ready, I’ll have Maddie help me with the rest.” 

 

Tyler thanked her and quickly made his way up the stairs and to his bedroom. He slammed his door and let the back of his body hit it, no longer being able to rely entirely on himself to carry his own weight. He took shallow breaths and willed himself to calm down, but even the most reassuring thoughts he could think of did little to help. He waited until his breathing was relatively normal to shift his weight from the door back onto him and completely enter his bedroom. 

 

He settled on wearing what he always wore when his mom had guests over- his blue button up shirt, khaki jeans and his black dress shoes. He combed his hair back with his shaking hands and used gel to make it stay, adding a little more than usual to give him a more sophisticated look. 

 

With only 10 minutes to spare until the Dun family would be there, Tyler beheld himself in the mirror. He noticed bags under his eyes and how they were sightly rimmed with red, not anything out of the norm. His hands were suddenly clammy so he tried to dry them on the back of his pants, becoming exasperated when the attempt was futile. 

 

It was pathetic at how unreasonably nervous he was- to the point of almost being physically sick, but he didn’t know to make it stop or ease it. 

 

“Deep breaths. Deep breaths.” he reminded himself outwardly, using his hands to indicate his inhales and exhales. He continued this action until he heard the chime of a doorbell and all his efforts at trying to remain calm went completely out of the window and hit the ground with great force. 

 

He heard the indistinct mumbling of conversation from behind his closed door, trying to picture the scene unraveling outside of it- 

 

Josh was probably giving half-hearted greetings and acting and as though he would rather be _anywhere_ else than in Tyler Joseph’s house. Josh’s parents would probably have to keep reminding Josh to _be polite,_ _act like you want to be here, eat your food_ throughout the entire evening. 

 

Tyler took one last deep breath, deciding that he would eventually have to make his way downstairs before his mother lectured him for being rude. He opened his door and winced when he heard his mom say, “oh, that’s probably Tyler now!” 

 

He sighed and reluctantly made his way down the stairs and was completely taken back by what he say at the bottom of them; Josh with flowers in his hands, dressed up in decent clothes with a seemingly genuine smile on his face as he met Tyler’s eyes. 

 

Everyone in that moment seemed completely miniscule. Tyler couldn’t tell you what color dress Laura Dun had pinned herself up in. He didn’t catch the soft smile Bill Dun was wearing on his face. He didn’t even acknowledge his other family in the room. The only thing Tyler had eyes for in that moment was Josh- as insane as that was. He looked so vibrant and oddly earnest. 

 

“Um.” Tyler cleared his throat, making his way completely into the room. Once closer to the group, his hand was being beckoned for by Bill and Laura. “I apologize, I was uh. Getting ready.” 

 

“Oh, Tyler. You’ve grown into such a handsome young man.” Laura cooed, shaking his hand enthusiastically with both of her own soft ones. 

 

Tyler Looked to where Josh stood, becoming flustered. He hesitated a second, and Josh  _ winked.  _

 

His breath hitched and he realized he needed to respond before he made things more awkward. “Thank you,  I appreciate that.”

 

Laura smiled and withdrew her hand, it soon being replaced by Bill’s. 

 

“It’s nice to see you again, Tyler.” 

 

“You as well, Mr. Dun.” 

 

The room grew quiet after that and Josh took the opportunity to speak. “Uh, Mrs. Joseph, these flowers are for you and your family- but mostly you.” he smiled sheepishly.

 

“Oh, Josh. That is just too sweet of you.” she blushed, taking the flowers from his hands and giving him a fixated wink. 

 

“Well, it smells great in here. It’s the least I could do.” he replied, his hands going straight to his pockets. 

 

Kelly blushed. “Speaking of which, dinner will be ready really soon. I’m going to go add the finishing touches, you all make yourselves at home!” 

 

From then on, the families spent a few minutes casually mingling, Tyler standing off to the side and observing. Zack talked with Jordan, Mrs. and Mr. Dun chatted casually with Mr. Joseph, and Tyler talked to himself internally; the talk mostly consisting of how weird it all was. Tyler was just beginning to question where Josh was when suddenly someone was leaning beside him and talking into his ear. 

 

“This is so weird.” 

 

Tyler refused to look him in the eye, keeping them trained on his siblings. “Yeah.” 

 

Josh crossed his legs, using his height advantage over Tyler to seem intimidating. “Your hair looks pretty… something like that.” he snickered. 

 

Tyler shoved him with his elbow, his nerves easing slightly. “I can say with utter confidence that I at least look better than you.” That was a lie. 

 

“You got me there.” Josh complimented as his eyes discreetly raked Tyler’s body. 

 

Tyer met his eyes in surprise and Josh smiled at him, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Tyler knew he was probably blushing. Luckily, he didn’t have to try too hard to act like Josh’s backhanded compliment wasn’t affecting him as his mother announced that dinner was ready. 

 

The group was ushered toward the dining room, where everyone took their seats. Josh sat directly across from Tyler and he mentally scolded himself to avoid eye contact with him at all costs. Literally anything was going to be deemed more interesting than Josh’s big brown eyes from this moment on. 

 

“I’d like to start this evening with a prayer,” Mr. Joseph announced, to which everyone agreed. Tyler joined hands with his little sister on his right and Mrs. Dun on his left. His father’s voice preached thanks towards God for a minute or so before everyone chanted a chorus of “Amen’s.” 

 

“You all sound so lovely from in there.” Mrs. Joseph made her way out of the kitchen and towards the table, placing dishes and cutlery along the clothed wood. “I said a prayer of my own as well. Madison, will you please help me serve?” 

 

The young girl nodded eagerly and jumped out of her seat in response. 

 

Tyler’s leg jumped up and down under the table in anticipation. He could feel Josh’s eyes on him every now and then, making him utterly anxious as he waited for the food to be served. 

 

Mr. Joseph cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the entire table. Tyler gulped. “So, Josh, when did you decide to turn your hair pink?” 

 

Tyler couldn’t help but break his rule and look at Josh to gauge his reaction. Josh’s head snapped directly towards Mr. Joseph and met his strong gaze with one ridden in embarrassment. He swallowed harshly, his adam’s apple moving with the action. “I, I think it might’ve been sometime during sophomore year.” 

 

Mr. Joseph nodded, his expression completely neutral. Mr. Dun watched skeptically from the opposing side of the table, looking ready to defend Josh if need be. That made Tyler happy. 

 

“I think his hair is sick,” Zack chanted. That earned him a glare from his father. 

 

It was going to be a long night. 

 


	8. You lost

The table of people chuckle dryly at the boring story being told by Mrs. Joseph, Josh and Tyler taking the opportunity while everyone was distracted to steal quick glances of each other- that of which had been happening all evening. Dinner had well been served at this point and everyone was either finished or on the verge of doing so with their food, only the casual discussion filling the tension-ridden room now.

 

Tyler had genuinely tried to pretend Josh wasn’t there, but with the way he kept smiling at Tyler and talking animatedly with his family about school and whatever else, it was near impossible. At one point Josh had even attempted to play ‘footsies’ with him under the table, to which Tyler kicked him rather hard and scowled. 

 

“Well, dinner was truly outstanding. I’ve never tasted a better potato salad.” Mr. Dun commented. 

 

“Oh, thank you. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.” Mrs. Joseph replied, looking truly pleased with herself. She thrived on compliments about her cooking. 

 

“With a great meal comes a great sleep,” Mrs. Dun added. 

 

“No kidding.” Mr. Joseph agreed. 

 

“I think we ought to get going. Dinner was amazing, Mrs. Joseph. And thank you for having us, all of you.” Mrs. Dun gestured to the Joseph family. 

 

Tyler kept his eyes trailed down, smiling politely. He would most likely be lectured on being more social and polite with guests, but right now he couldn’t worry. He was just ready to fall into bed and sleep. 

 

But apparently, Tyler’s mom had different plans. “It’s no problem! Actually, would Josh like to stay and hang out for a bit? It’s been a while. A play date is long overdue.” She inquired politely. “I could drive him home whenever you want.” 

 

Mrs. Dun looked skeptically toward Josh. “Is that something you want to do?” 

 

A glint of something in Josh’s eye appeared as he replied. “Yeah, that would be great, actually.” 

 

Tyler thought everything he just consumed would make it’s way up. Luckily, he got himself together enough to hear the families schedule a time for Josh to be home, and watched as everyone leaved, save for his family and the pink-haired idiot.  

 

He sat unmoving at his spot at the previously occupied dinner table, willing this disaster away; hoping it was simply a figment of his sadistic imagination. Unfortunately, it was not. Josh sat across to him at the table, remaining quiet. 

 

For some reason, with the tension sitting between them also sat some unspoken battle of sorts. Tyler was not going to lose, so he remained quiet and avoided eye contact with Josh. 

 

After a few minutes, Josh blatantly sat up and began walking away. Tyler thought for a second he was going to leave, but the pink-haired boy turned sharply towards the stairs and began the ascend. Tyler’s jaw dropped violently as he heard his bedroom door open moments after. 

 

“ _ This freaking guy.”  _ Tyler muttered aggressively under his breath, quickly retracing Josh’s steps up to his bedroom where he found Josh sat on his floor, looking through his bin of video games. Tyler met his eye sternly. 

 

Josh was completely unbothered by Tyler, simply picking a disk and holding it between his fingers, crooking an inquired eyebrow towards him. When Tyler was able to read the words on the plastic, his heart skipped a beat. He was seconds away from speaking, no,  _ yelling,  _ at Josh to get out and never return, but the competitive spirit in him was kicking and he was not about to turn down a challenge- 2 for that matter. Maybe this game would get Josh to lose at their whole “not talking” battle, and Tyler could bask in his victory. 

 

Submitting, he kept a blank expression and plopped onto the carpet. Josh smiled, his stupid tongue poking out between his teeth. Tyler huffed in irritation. 

 

They sat in tense silence as Josh swiftly turned the console on, knowing what input Tyler’s TV was supposed to be turned to, and grabbing the remotes from the same place they always were. It made Tyler’s stomach churn with unease. 

 

Josh tossed a remote towards him, bringing him out of his trance, and it was on. Tyler would have complained about Josh being first player, but the current circumstances he found himself in prevented him from voicing his discontent. Instead, he ignored Josh’s smirk as they began the first race, and focused entirely on the game. 

 

Within a minute Josh was holding first place, and Tyler was trying his hardest not to yell. He bit his tongue and did everything he could to sabotage Josh, always making sure to giggle to himself when he hit him with a red shell. 

 

During the third lap, Josh had not given up his place, and Tyler was growing more angry. He was determined to win, even if it meant going to extreme lengths. As they neared the finish line, Tyler shoved his shoulder into Josh as hard as possible, knocking him and his remote over. Tyler cheered as he won first place. 

 

“What the heck, dude!” Josh yelled, looking genuinely displeased. 

 

Tyler couldn’t wipe the smile off of his own face, nor did he  _ want  _ to. Josh looked like an angry puppy as he sat and pouted. 

 

“You lost.” Tyler stated matter-of-factly. 

 

“Yeah, well no crap. You cheated.” 

 

“Yeah, but you lost. You talked first. So I win both competitions.” 

 

Josh chuckled. “Are you kidding? You made that a competition?” 

 

Tyler suddenly became slightly embarrassed, but that didn’t ruin his good mood at having won. He just nodded and rocked back and forth as the music from the game filled the silence in the room. 

 

“You’re just mad I’m a winner.” Tyler stuck his tongue out towards Josh. 

 

“Whatever.” 

 

They sat in silence for a minute. 

 

“I missed this, you know.” Josh said quietly, almost to the point of inaudibility, but Tyler caught it. His heart flipped and he was momentarily struck by the level of intimacy that suddenly hit the both of them when Josh looked up and didn’t falter as they made eye contact. The gaze was so strong and unabashed, as though all the time that had passed between them was insignificant and they were making up for all the opportunities they missed of observing each other’s eyes. 

 

Tyler thought back to the day he’d heard the rumor about Josh. He thought about the hours he spent in his bed crying, wishing that things had been different and  _ Tyler  _ was the one Josh kissed, but simultaneously wishing he never heard the rumor in the first place. The time it took Tyler to get over the entire situation was far too much, and here in this moment, all of that time seemed completely miniscule in the grand scheme of things. 

 

He was more mature now and has somewhat come to terms with himself. Who says they couldn’t try to be friends again? 

 

“Josh.” 

 

Josh’s eyes shifted back into focus. “Yeah, Tyler?” 

 

Tyler gulped and had to look down at his hands to talk. Now or never. “So. In 9th grade. Was it... true?” He felt so pathetic as he finished the sentence, cringing internally. 

 

“Uh, what are you talking about? That’s a pretty vague question.” Josh stated, confused. 

 

“I mean the whole, like, kissing that guy thing. Did it really happen?” Tyler stuttered out. 

 

“Oh.” Josh nodded in consideration, his eyes also failing to meet Tyler’s now. “Yeah, yeah. That happened.” 

 

Tyler’s eyes gaped toward the boy sitting across from him. The emotions came flooding back and he had to remind himself to focus on the present; things were different. They were both different. Nothing means anything it used to. 

 

“But I don’t get it. Why are you asking?” Josh seemed genuinely worried now. 

 

Tyler shifted on the ground, his legs going numb from sitting criss crossed. “Because… that’s. Nevermind dude. Forget I brought it up.” 

 

“Oh my god.” Josh straightened his form.  “That’s why. That’s fucking why, isn’t it?” Josh was passionate as he spoke, but his tone wasn’t laced with bitterness or anger. 

 

Tyler had no idea how to reply. He remained silent with his arms crossed over each other and his head hung low. 

 

“Look at me, Tyler. I’m not mad, just explain this to me, please. I think I’m entitled to some closure.” 

 

Tyler sighed and met his eyes once again. They were more full of sincerity now and Josh looked weirdly hopeful. He sorted through his head for a good way to explain himself, but couldn’t think of anything. He just let his mouth open and the words take their own course of action, much like they always did. 

 

“I don’t know, Josh. I heard the rumor from someone, I forget who, and just felt weird… I guess.” 

 

“So you ghosted me for years because you’re homophobic?” 

 

Tyler stiffened defensively. “No! Not at all. I just was a lot for me to deal with. And not hearing it from you to know if it was  _ really  _ true kind of drove me crazy.” 

 

“So... why didn’t you just ask me?” 

 

“Why didn’t you just  _ tell  _ me? We were best friends, or at least that was the impression  _ I _ was under.” 

 

Josh sighed. “Tell me if I had told you myself that you wouldn’t have reacted in the same way.” 

 

“I can’t say.” Tyler shrugged. 

 

Josh was silent for a few seconds before he laughed, his breaths coming out in jagged huffs. 

“Gosh, Tyler, I thought I had done something horrible to you without even knowing it. For a good year or so I hated myself because of it. What you did was so fucked up, you know that right? And come to find out it was all because I kissed a dude. Kind of funny, really.” 

 

Tyler felt guilt strike his gut. Of course he knew it was fucked up. He spent every day wanting to chase after Josh, but he let so much time of sulking get in the way of it. 

 

“I know.” was all he could manage to say. 

 

“I was planning on telling you. I was thinking of ways to come out, you know, but you never really gave me a chance. Someone did it for me anyways. If you remember who it was, tell them I said thanks for saving me the trouble.” 

 

Tyler smiled despite himself. Josh was always known for making light of a messed up situation. 

 

Josh was known for many great things, he decided.  

 

“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.” 

 

Josh smiled. “I forgave you a long time ago.” 

 

“I don’t deserve that.” 

 

Josh smirked. “Well, I got you back in little ways. Pretending to hate you, for example.” 

 

Tyler’s legs felt weak. “You… were pretending?” 

 

“I never hated you, man. You were my best friend.” Josh scooted himself so that his and Tyler’s knees were touching. 

 

Tyler tried not to smile. “I never hated you, either.” 

 

“Oh my god, Tyler Joseph just admit to never hating me. Am I dreaming? Here, pinch me really quick, please.” Josh grabbed Tyler’s hand and placed it on his arm, encouraging him to do what he asked. All Tyler could do was focus on the warmth underneath his own, cold hand. 

 

“You’re warm.” 

 

Josh looked at him skeptically before smiling. “I always knew you thought I was kind of hot.” 

 

Tyler retreated his arm. “No.” 

 

Josh looked at him seriously. 

 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t find me attractive.” 

 

Tyler scoffed to cover up how utterly nervous he was. “You’re very cocky.” 

 

“ _ Confident,  _ Tyler. Confident.” 

  
  



	9. Don't be a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone reading this. your support means a lot to me

Tyler and Josh had spent their remaining time together playing more rounds of Mario Kart (Tyler winning every time,  _ without cheating _ ) and casually interacting. As their time together came to a close, Josh’s skin was on fire and his stomach was churning from the intense swing of emotions he’d been put through that evening.

 

Even now, Josh was looking at Tyler play with a loose thread on his shirt, his mouth in a concentrated line and eyes intent. Josh would be damned if he was going to let himself fall into the same trap he had many years ago, it all starting with innocently admiring Tyler when he was completely clueless. Josh shook his head and let his focus fall on anything but the pretty eyed boy sitting across from him. 

 

“Hey, I hate to interrupt you boys, but it’s time for me to take Josh home.” Mrs. Joseph gently opened the door, smiling towards Tyler and Josh who jumped apart from where they were sitting together on the mattress. They both blushed discreetly towards each other. 

 

“Okay...” Josh sighed and stood up, not missing the way Tyler’s eyes followed him. “I’ll wait for you outside,” Mrs. Joseph informed sweetly, shutting the door on her way out. 

 

Tyler stood up slowly, his face coming into close contact with Josh’s. “See you tomorrow, idiot.” 

 

“Unfortunately.” Josh replied playfully. 

 

Intense silence between them followed, and Tyler couldn’t stop what he was doing as it happened. He wrapped his arms around Josh, squeezing him tightly. He exhaled and smiled to himself when he felt Josh’s firm limbs wrap around his frame, hugging him back just as passionately. 

 

“Don’t be a stranger,” Tyler whispered sheepishly. 

 

Josh pulled Tyler a bit closer to him. “I won’t.” he affirmed.

 

They both dwelled in each other’s presence for a few moments longer before Josh whispered “I should probably go.” 

 

“Prolly.” Tyler replied, his speech muffled with his mouth pressed against Josh’s shoulder. He then, albeit reluctantly, let go of the taller boy. Josh gave him once last departing smile before he was slowly making his way out of the room.

  
  
  


❃

Josh closed the door to his house, not before thanking Mrs. Joseph for the ride, and exhaled loudly. He took a minute to assess his emotions and align his thoughts before he fully entered and made his way toward his bedroom. 

 

Once there, he started to undress and relay the evening he just endured in his mind. As he changed out of his day clothes, his adrenaline was kicking and he came to terms with the fact that it was going to prevent him from getting any sleep. Coming to this realization, he decided to call the one person who would be able to sneak in and who he knew would be a good listener.

 

He brought his cellphone up to ear as he listened to the dial tone. As soon as it picked up, he wasted no time. 

 

“Are you busy?” He asked, pinning his phone between his cheek and his shoulder as he used his hands to slip into his pajamas. He listened as Brendon groaned over the phone and heard the ruffling of his bed cover. 

 

“Never.” Brendon replied, his voice laced with sleepiness. Josh couldn’t feel bad for waking him up. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, and if he didn’t get to sleep, neither did his best friend. 

 

“Good. Come over right now, please. It’s an emergency.” 

 

“Anything for you, princess.” 

 

Brendon hung up quickly afterwards. Josh smiled to himself and tossed the phone onto his bed, pulling his t-shirt over his entire body as he ran what he should tell Brendon through his mind. 

 

It was surreal to think that just a little under an hour ago, Josh was sitting in Tyler’s bedroom getting his well-deserved closure. Josh knew he should have been angry with it. He should have stormed out and made plans to never speak or interact with Tyler Joseph from then on, but all he could think about was the genuine smiles Tyler had given him that night and the stupidly cute awkwardness entailed to the guy. Not to mention the pretty intimate hug Tyler had initiated between them. 

 

It was pathetic, but Josh had a small fraction of hope. Hearing the reason Tyler stopped talking to him made him analyze everything a bit more closely. Maybe,  _ maybe _ , Tyler was jealous. It made sense- Tyler getting mad over hearing Josh had kissed someone, Tyler wishing it was him who Josh had kissed, Tyler not knowing how to deal with those feelings, Tyler running away from the problem. 

 

But Josh was a realist and also knew that Tyler was and is a weird person with weird reasoning and justification for everything he did, and he was in no place to let himself fall for the kid again. 

 

Josh was ripped from his thoughts by his phone ringing. He picked it up and answered quickly, not having to check the caller I.D. to know who was on the other line. 

 

“I’m outside.” Brendon whispered through the speaker. Josh looked through his window, seeing his figure bundled up in a scarf and large jacket. He laughed to himself as he watched Brendon flip him off. 

 

“Hurry the fuck up J, it’s cold!” Brendon spoke harshly through the phone. Josh rolled his eyes and closed his curtain. He quietly opened his bedroom door and tiptoed his way toward the front door, where Brendon was waiting on the opposing side, shivering like a maniac. 

 

“It’s about damn time….” he muttered grumpily as Josh welcomed him inside. The two of them made their way back up the stairs, both plopping down into Josh’s bed where Brendon groaned in satisfaction as he wrapped himself in blankets. After a few minutes, Brendon’s shivering came to a stop and he sat up to shed off his jacket and scarf. 

 

“So, Joshua. What’s the deal?”  

 

Josh stifled his desire to exhaustedly scream at having to try and vocalize his mess of emotions, but set it aside and did just that. 

 

“So basically,” he took a large breath, knowing he was going to need it, “I went to Tyler’s for dinner, you know this, and it was awkward and weird but not too bad, and then his mom made us hang out afterwards, which we did and it was pretty okay. We played mario kart and chilled, yanno what buds do, and he was like ‘so is it true that you kissed some dude during freshman year’ and I said yeah, and it turns out that’s  _ why  _ he blew me off. We also admit that we never really hated each other. And it makes me wonder if he was jealous and scared of his feelings and that’s why he blew me off. But then another part of me is like ‘yeah pfttt, Tyler? You? Gay?’ Anyways he’s just cute and we kept like, touching each other, but no! Not like that. Just small touches. But I can’t let myself get caught up in this again, but then again he seems like he wants to be friends and I don’t know.” Another deep breath. 

 

Brendon took a minute to process the information just thrown at him.  He looked completely bewildered and tried to test out the words he was going to respond with, but Josh quickly added, 

 

“Oh. And then he hugged me.” 

 

“ _ Jesus. _ I don’t get paid enough for this.” was the first thing Brendon could think to say. 

 

Josh laughed half-heartedly. “You don’t have to say anything. No offense, but even your expertise aren’t good enough for this.” 

 

Brendon shrugged, blowing air through his lips. “Yeah man. I’m beat, honestly. I say just go with your gut even if Tyler is a little shit.” 

 

Josh considered this for a second before sighing and tiredly giving up. Why did life have to be so complicated? 

 

“Don’t be such a downer. Everything will be fine, Josh.” Brendon reassured, to which Josh simply ignored him. He was far too gone, in too deep in his emotions. 

 

When Brendon realized this, he sat up abruptly. “J. Look at me.” 

 

Josh begrudgingly met his friend’ eye, stunned by the sincerity within them. 

 

“You’re fine.” 

 

Josh nodded and let Brendon’s words convince him. “I’m sorry. This whole thing is just exhausting.” 

 

“I know. Let’s get some sleep, hm? You’ll feel better in the morning.”

 

"Yeah, okay." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Does that mean you're gay for each other now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of your comments make me very happy. just know I read them all over about 5 times a day. 
> 
> enjoy this cute little filler chapter.

Tyler woke up the following morning sporting a huge smile and intense butterflies in his stomach. 

 

The reason for his weirdly buoyant mood was obvious, but he still held some reluctance in actually admitting it. He simply dismounted his bed and proceeded to get ready for school in high spirits. 

 

Because Tyler was feeling less dismal than usual, he figured his outfit could reflect it. Accompanying his black skinny jeans and shirt was a floral kimono and a very,  _ very  _ small amount of eyeliner. It was the first time he’d felt open to giving his presentation a little more work. It was all or nothing. 

 

Admiring himself in the mirror, Tyler had to admit, he cleaned up nicely. It had been many months since he last cared about his appearance to this extent, and seeing himself now, he was glad he finally did. 

 

As he continued to look at himself, his bedroom door swung open and in came his younger sister. “Mom says it’s time to- Ty-ty! You look pretty!” she cheered, running towards her older brother and jumping in excitement.  

 

Tyler chuckled sheepishly, ducking his head out of her vision. He was suddenly slightly nervous about going to school and having everyone see him, but the worries were easy to subside as his little sister wrapped her arms around his abdomen, squeezing tightly. 

 

“Hey, Tyler?” 

 

“Yeah Mads?” 

 

Madi took a step back and pondered deeply for a second. “Is Josh your boyfriend? Is that why you’re dressing all fancy?” 

 

Tyler had to fight the blush threatening to creep over his face. 

 

“No, Josh is  _ not  _ my boyfriend.” 

 

She squinted her eyes in disbelief, but quickly shrugged it off and went back to hugging her older brother. “I love you,” she said sweetly. 

 

Tyler bent down to properly look her in the face. “I love you endlessly, Madi. Never forget it.” She smiled after Tyler placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and walked out of the room, not before reminding him it was time to go. 

 

Tyler exhaled deeply. Today was going to be a good day. And for the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to it. 

  
  


\-------

  
  


“Tyler Robert Joseph!” yelled Ashley, making Tyler blush and freeze in place. “What the hell? What happened to you?” 

 

Tyler looked toward the ground and shrugged. He waited until Ashley was within reasonable talking distance with him to reply. “What do you mean?” 

 

“You look hot, Tyler. Not that you don’t every day, but like, you look  _ hot  _ today.” 

 

“Gosh, Ash..” he huffed, shuffling his feet awkwardly against the tiled floor of the school hallway. 

 

She laughed dryly. “But seriously, what’s the occasion?” 

 

A sigh. “Does there have to be one?” 

 

Before Ashley could reply, Dallon chose the perfect moment to turn into the hallway, his eyes going wide as soon as they landed on Tyler. “Nice.”

 

“Thank you, Dallon.” Tyler retorted. 

 

Dallon acknowledged his thanks with a simple nod of his head. He glanced at the time on his phone, yawned, then looked back up between Ashley and Tyler. “First period starts soon.” 

 

“ _ Thank you, Dallon.”  _ Ashley mocked. “It’s not like we’ve been going here for the past 3 years.” 

 

Dallon, as usual, ignored her snarky comment, instead opting to turn his attention towards Tyler. “How was the dinner with Josh?” 

 

“Oh, yeah! How was it? I need details!” Ashley followed. 

 

Tyler shifted subtly, not knowing how to go about explaining it to them. “Well, it was mildly awkward, obviously, but it went okay. Josh and I are on good terms, now. I think.” 

 

“See? We told you it would be okay,” Ashley smiled. 

 

Dallon’s face displayed a tone of seriousness as he spoke. “Does that mean you’re gay for each other now?” he deadpanned.

 

Tyler’s eyes went wide with shock. “I- what?” 

 

Dallon chuckled to himself. “I’m joking, Tyler. But I wouldn’t be shocked if the answer was yes.” 

 

Ashley right away detected the shift of atmosphere and, for Tyler’s sake, jumped in to save him. “Uh, so are we still on for this weekend?” 

 

Tyler swore he was experiencing whiplash, but pushed it to the side as a new topic was introduced to their conversation and the attention wasn’t on him.

 

“Yeah! You guys could just hitch a ride with me, if you want...” his voice trailed off as he caught  a glimpse of bright pink turn the corner, Josh stopping suddenly and meeting his eye. 

 

It might have been cliche’, but Tyler felt all sense of time stop and the busy environment of his school was shut out as their eyes interlocked. Their gaze was strong for a few seconds until he could see, clear as day, Josh mouth the word ‘ _ wow’  _ at him as his eyes traveled the expanse of Tyler’s body. 

 

And Tyler would be damned if this wasn’t the reaction he was aiming for. 

 

Ashley shook him gently to reel his attention back in. He cursed to himself as Josh gave him one last departing glance and walked past him and his friends. Before either of them could say anything else, the bell for first period rang, the group of highschoolers spurring into action. 

 

“Not gay for each other my ass.” Dallon stated, smirking. 

 

Tyler blushed immensely and decided to start the trek towards his classroom, turning around swiftly. “I’ll see you guys at lunch!” he called over his shoulder as he walked away. 

 

He didn’t miss any of the looks he was being given by girls and guys alike as he walked the hallways, feeling uneasy under their gazes. He internally reminded himself to take deep breaths and do his best to let his anxiousness subside. He looked good, after all. They had the right to stare.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. That was fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally going to be one huge ass chapter, but it worked better in two and with a perspective change in the second chapter. 
> 
> so, the chapter after this is a direct continuation from this one. 
> 
> enjoy ;)

Josh was stunned, to say the least. Tyler Robert Joseph was going to be the death of him.

 

The second he turned that corner and found Tyler wearing his kimono and that  _ eyeliner,  _ he was a goner. He didn’t even bother being discreet as he let his eyes rake the boy’s body, drinking in the detail and not giving a single damn who saw. That was a sight to savor. 

 

All through first period, Josh was impatiently counting down the minutes until the class would be over, sending them into second period where he would get to see Tyler. After a very painful hour, the dismissal bell rang and Josh practically sprinted toward his English class. 

 

He walked directly toward his seat and watched as students slowly filled the room, keeping his eyes peeled for a distinct truffle of brown hair. 

 

“This is the earliest I think I’ve ever seen you in this class,” Josh’s teacher, Mr. Way, interjected from a few inches away. 

 

“Uh, yeah. I just thought I’d see what it’s like to be early for once.” Mr. Way gave him a doubtful look, but dismissed it and went back to his desk. Josh sighed of relief, but was quickly put back into a fit of panic when he saw the floral pattern of Tyler’s kimono out of the corner of his eye and Tyler sat in front of him. 

 

_ He even smells amazing. Does he always smell this good? I must be losing my mind.  _ Josh sat awkwardly behind him, admiring the soft curls in Tyler’s hair from the back of his head. He debated on whether or not to talk to him. 

 

His debate was quickly put to an end however as Tyler turned around and immediately caught Josh’s eye. From this close, Josh could really drink in every distinct detail of Tyler’s blackened eyes. It was  _ doing things  _ to him. 

 

“Hiya, Josh,” Tyler perked from his seat, a small smile on his face. 

 

Josh momentarily forgot how to function properly. He quickly regained his composure and willed himself to respond normally. “Hello, Tyler. What’s with the?....” he trailed off, gesturing towards his outfit. 

 

Tyler’s face fell a little, and Josh’s heart faltered. “Is it bad?” he asked in a hushed voice. 

 

Josh looked him dead in the eyes, trying not to listen to the way his heart screamed, and spoke with confidence. “Absolutely not. You look amazing,” 

 

Tyler ducked and blushed, and, very subtly, but not enough to where Josh couldn’t notice, took his bottom lip in between his teeth as he smiled. 

 

“Thanks.” he mumbled, still grinning.

 

Josh had to remind himself to focus. By now, the class had begun and their teacher assigned them to answer something on the board, but he was entirely too enraptured in the boy in front of him. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, you look super emo. But I dig it.”  

 

Tyler scoffed. “You look emo every day.” 

 

“I  _ am  _ emo every day,” 

 

“What, and I’m not?” Tyler joked, his smile making Josh dizzy. He didn’t get the opportunity to reply before Mr. Way was standing right next to the both of them. Tyler’s grin fell instantly.

 

“What are we talking about that could possibly be more important than my class?” he asked sternly, drawing the attention of everyone in the classroom. 

 

_ Lots of things. _ Josh thought to himself, but refrained from saying it out loud for Tyler’s sake. The boy looked absolutely terrified. 

 

“We were just talking about our other assignments for other classes. We’ll pay attention now.” Josh pleaded, feeling uneasy under the attention of all the students in the classroom. 

 

“I’m sure you will. Do either of you want to come up and share your opinion on the book you’re neglecting to read?” 

 

Josh resisted the urge to lash out and tell his teacher how unreasonable he was being, but Tyler looked a few seconds away from puking and he wasn’t going to let that happen. 

 

He sighed. “Yeah, I’ll do it.” 

 

“Great! Tyler, let’s hear what you have to say.” Mr. Way completely disregarded Josh as he walked back to the front of the room, looking onto Tyler who sat frozen in his seat, his face concerningly pale. 

 

Josh was not going to let Tyler suffer through this and humiliate himself. “I said I would do it-” 

 

“Just let the emo boy do it, alright? Some of us want to get the hell on!” 

 

“How about you fuck off, huh? How’s that sound?” Josh spat, anger clouding his better judgment. The only thing he could focus on was how utterly terrified and small Tyler looked in his seat, not having said a single word thus far. 

 

“I don’t have time for this. Tyler, Josh, just go. I don’t even care where.” Mr. Way relented, his hand shaking dismissively. 

 

Josh smiled toward Tyler, who looked at him with big eyes. He jerked his head toward the door and grabbed his bag, making sure Tyler followed closely behind. 

 

Of course, every pair of eyes followed them until they were completely out of the room. Tyler still looked like he was ready to hurl, so Josh roamed the hallways with him until they came across an empty corner and sat down. 

 

“That was fun!” Josh huffed. 

 

Tyler looked at him, his expression completely neutral. “You’re a fucking idiot.” his voice was shaky and unsure as he spoke, but Josh detected a hint of anger in it. 

 

“What? I-” 

 

Tyler held a hand up to silence him. “I didn’t need you to make a fool out of yourself in my defense.” 

 

Josh looked at the boy in front of him with disbelief. “Are you serious? Tyler, I stood up for you, I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about me. I wasn’t going to let you go through that-” 

 

“You made me look stupid! I was already an outcast, but now, I wouldn’t put it past anyone to go out of their way to make fun of me. So thanks, Josh.” Anger was prominent in Tyler’s features now. 

 

Josh was stunned. He was silent for a moment, looking at Tyler as though he had just stabbed him. The tension was thick between them, both of them becoming more full of anger as each second passed. 

 

“Well, it’s not my fault you have a fucking  _ breakdown _ every time anyone talks to you.” Josh finally replied. As soon as the words surfaced, he instantly wished he hadn’t said it. 

 

Tyler’s face was wiped completely of any previous expression. He sat still, looking at Josh with those big eyes, beginning to fill slightly with tears. He abruptly stood up and walked away. 

 

“ _ Fuck,”  _ Josh mumbled to himself. He let his head fall against the wall, harder than he normally would have. He considered going after him, but before he could, Tyler reappeared with tears now streaming down his cheeks, the eyeliner smudging a bit but somehow he still managed to look gorgeous. 

 

“It’s not my fault that I can’t handle confrontation. I’ve been working on it for a really long time. I don’t need you or anyone else to  _ patronise _ me because of it. Asshole.” Tyler said through small sobs. 

 

Josh stood up despite his legs feeling like jello, remorse consuming him. “Tyler, listen, I didn’t mean it. I’m just frustrated. That was such a shitty thing of me to say.”

 

When Josh realized Tyler wasn’t meeting his eye, he swallowed harshly and let what he wanted to say fall off his tongue.

 

“Tyler. I think you’re perfect.” 


	12. Why wasn't it me?

Tyler looked Josh strictly in the eyes now, being met back with a gaze of pure intensity and passion. He could feel the burning anger pool in his gut. He clenched his fists and made an attempt to stay calm, but it was futile.

 

He fought himself for a second, the threat of everything spilling over a very real possibility. He tugged on his hair in an attempt to reign himself in, but it was no use. He couldn’t help the yelling that erupted from his body. “ _Why wasn’t it me, Josh?"_

 

Josh looked confused. “What do you mean?” he replied, his voice stern but not nearly as loud.

 

“You- you fucking _kissed_ someone else! Why wasn’t it me if I’m so ‘perfect’?” Tyler shouted, his mind too clouded over with anger to be concerned with the fact that he, for one, might be ruining his second chance at friendship with Josh, and two, was admitting his suppressed feelings he worked years to keep to himself.

 

Josh was rendered speechless, but Tyler continued yelling before he could even try to come up with a response.

 

“Did you even _consider_ it, Josh? Did I go through your head at all when it was happening? When your lips were all over _him?_ I bet it felt so much fucking better than anything I could have offered-”

 

Tyler was abruptly interrupted as Josh stepped forward and crashed their lips together. In that second, the anger was replaced by shock and burning desire between them. Tyler had to take a second to register what exactly was happening, but as soon as he did, he let his hands unsurely snake up the expanse of Josh’s neck to find purchase in his pink locks. Josh reciprocated, his fingertips grazing over Tyler’s cheekbones. They both had goosebumps pricking their skin and a feeling of ecstasy in their stomachs.

 

The kiss was fueled by passion and lust that had been ignored far too long. They moved slowly, all lips colliding in soft but fervent action, kissing as though they were making up for lost time.

 

It was over before either of them had time to think. They stood frozen, Tyler’s hands not moving from Josh and Josh not from Tyler. Without the haze of the kiss to keep Tyler’s emotions at bay, panic of what just occurred set in properly. His hands began shaking from where they were in Josh’s hair, and he couldn’t focus.

 

“Uh.” Tyler stuttered, avoiding eye contact with Josh. A very small part of him knew this feeling was okay, but the other part of him, the one he struggled with for such a long time in his life, begged him to run and never look back. Just as he had done before.

 

That’s how Tyler found himself pacing out of the doors of his school, heading nowhere in particular. Just walking around in an attempt to calm himself down.

 

Josh kissed him. And it was amazing. It was everything he could have asked for; his lips were soft and moved expertly against his own inexperienced ones, his hair was just as soft as he imagined, and his hands were warm on his cheeks. But Tyler had spent so long convincing himself it would never happen, that he didn’t see Josh in that way, it was just his head playing games with him. But It wasn’t. And that realization was too intense for him to try and process in this state of mind.

 

He knew any chances at repairing their friendship were practically gone at this point, and not because of the kiss. It was because Tyler was an emotionally unstable, indecisive teenage boy with commitment issues. He wouldn’t blame Josh if he couldn’t handle it a second time.

 

Tyler walked aimlessly, leisurely admiring the colors entailed to everything until he reached his house. He pulled his keys out of his backpack, thankful that no one was home at this time, and let himself in.

 

As soon as the door shut behind him, he was in tears. He sobbed silently as he made his way up towards his bedroom and fell straight into bed.

 

\-------

 

“Tyler?”

 

Tyler stirred, slowly being introduced back into cognizance. He saw his mother’s figure hovering over his previously sleeping form and slightly panicked. “What are you doing home?” she asked with concern as opposed to what would typically be anger. Tyler knew he probably looked like the epitome of an emotionally wrecked teenage boy and on the verge of another breakdown.

 

“I’ll just be honest…” he sat up and didn’t try to mask how drained he felt. “I left school because I was having a hard day. If you plan on punishing me, can you please do it another time? I’m really tired.” he admit.

 

“No honey, you're not in trouble. This will be our secret, okay?” she said with a smile, placing a kiss to the tip of Tyler’s head. “Are you okay?”

 

Tyler felt a wave of appreciation for his mom wash over him. He looked at her sincerely as he replied. “Maybe.. Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course, Tyler. What’s up?” His mom was easily willing to listen, sitting on the side of Tyler’s bed as he began to talk.

 

“Do you think I’m bad at facing my problems?” he asked, already on the brink of tears.

 

His mom kept her face neutral as she visibly dwelled on the question for a few seconds. “I think you sometimes lack the courage it takes to face your issues. You’re incredibly strong, Tyler, and you have everything an amazing person needs to be amazing. You’re just stronger in some of those departments than others. We have that in common.”

 

Tyler considered this for a moment, analyzing everything she had said. He had to agree.

 

“So. Hypothetically, what do you think I would need to do to make up for me doing that in a really big situation?”

 

“Hypothetically, I say you’d need to confront at least one thing you’re struggling with right now head on. From there you can decide how else to deal with things.”

 

The only big thing Tyler was struggling with right now was Josh, and ‘confronting that head on’ sounded downright miserable, but he knew his mom was right.

 

“Okay. I’ll think about that. Thank you, mom.” Tyler leaped across his bed to capture her in a hug.

 

She chuckled, hugging him back just as tightly. “Anytime. I love you, Ty.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

In that moment, regardless of how awful Tyler felt, he knew what he needed to do.


	13. That's just stupidly pathetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we hit 1k hits and honestly I'm so happy. you guys are the best and make me feel so wonderful when you enjoy my writing. 
> 
> much like Tyler in this story I have really bad commitments issues, so sometimes it gets really hard for me to push through and finish chapters when I would rather do anything else. But your guys' support always encourages me and I find myself excited all the time to update new chapters.
> 
> so again, thanks so much, and kudos to you for sticking around.

Josh felt like he had just been hit in the gut. Hard.

 

He stood in the middle of the hallway, his hands feeling cold and empty from where they were just holding Tyler’s delicate face and lips burning with the sensation of being on his. He had finally worked up the guts to kiss the boy he’s crushed on since Freshman year of high school, and that boy  _ kissed  _ back. He wasn’t crazy. 

 

What he had failed to remind himself, though, is that Tyler is a ticking time bomb, set to go off at any second when provoked. He had unfortunately been the one to provoke him this time, thus causing him to run away. 

 

Could Josh blame himself in this situation? He felt like he had maybe overstepped some boundaries, but Tyler was going on about how he wished it was  _ him, why wasn’t it him,  _ and it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Tyler didn’t push him off or falter throughout the action, after all. 

 

So what the hell was his deal? Did he struggle with his sexuality that badly, or is the reason for his freaking out more deep-seeded and complex? Either way, Josh could understand, but he didn’t find it very fair that he had to be the one put in the middle of it. 

 

Josh was stripped from his thoughts as he heard the dismissal bell ring, his cue to either get to class or leave school. Option B was entirely more appealing in this moment, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder before making his way out of the school doors. 

 

On his short walk home, he decided he wasn’t going to go after Tyler. Not this time. If Tyler happened to get himself together enough to properly handle his problems, Josh was all for it. Until then, he wasn’t going to let himself be made a fool. 

 

He arrived at his house and unlocked the door, getting out his phone to shoot Brendon a text. He could use the company of his friend. 

 

**_Josh: Hey Bren, could you come over after school?_ **

  
  


**_Brendon: after school? Lol i’ll be there in 20_ **

  
  


\--------

  
  


“...and then he ran away. Like out of school.” Josh finished, gauging Brendon’s reaction. He looked pissed, his face serious and hands clenched. 

 

“That absolutely  _ dick.  _ I’m sorry, Josh.” Brendon grumbled, doing his best to sound sympathetic through his anger. 

 

Josh shrugged. “It’s all good. He has separate issues he needs to work out, I guess.” 

 

“But attacking you for not kissing him, then running away when you do kiss him? That’s just stupidly pathetic!” he shouts across the small space between them. 

 

“Yeah, but take it easy, okay?” he sighs, picturing Tyler with tears in his eyes when Josh harshly called him out. He couldn’t fully blame the kid- he did have issues. That couldn’t be held against him. 

 

“Okay. How’s this sound- I’ll go downstairs and get us some snacks, then we can watch Jackass.” Brendon offers, smiling now towards Josh who sat sulking on his mattress. 

 

The idea did seem nice. “Sure. Go make yourself at home in my kitchen,” he joked. 

 

Brendon sat up and made his way out of the bedroom, sporting his cocky grin. 

 

“Answer the door if anyone comes too, while you’re at it!” Josh shouted jokingly. 

 

“Will do, sweetie!” Brendon shouted back. He was glad no one else was in the house. 

 

He made his descent until he was met with the kitchen, looking through Josh’s snack cupboard for popcorn and possibly a bag of chips. He had just placed the bag in the microwave and pressed the timer when he heard a soft knock on the front door. 

 

Surely Josh was in no state to be handling guests, and he  _ did  _ say he could answer the door. He walked swiftly toward the front of the house, unlocking the door, and swinging it open. 

 

The person on the other side was as equally surprised to see him as he was that person. They both stood, gawking at each other for a second, before Brendon’s right mind settled in and he was fueled with anger. 

 

“What do you want?” he spat, feeling slightly bad when he watched the boy wince at his harsh tone. 

 

“I… uh. Is Josh here? By any chance?” Tyler stuttered. Brendon noticed how small this guy was from up close. The way he didn’t meet your eye and spoke nervously definitely contributed to that. He was cute, no doubt. He got why Josh would be into him. 

 

“Yeah.” was all he gave as a response. 

 

Tyler shifted uncomfortably, fumbling with the sleeves of his jacket. “Could I talk to him?” 

 

Brendon feigned consideration for a moment. “No. Anything else?” 

 

Tyler looked genuinely upset at this point, and Brendon almost relented, but he just sighed and gave a quick “alright” before walking away. 

 

Brendon was stunned as he watched the boy walk away. He thought for a small fraction of time that he saw Tyler wipe his face as though he was crying, but before he could confirm his suspicion he heard Josh call him from upstairs. 

 

“Brendon! Did you die?” 

 

Brendon quietly closed the door and ran towards the microwave to retrieve the now slightly cold bag of popcorn and the chips. He also took the initiative of getting two cups and an entire jug of soda, making his way back up the stairs with his arms full. 

 

“Sorry, I got distracted. Let’s get this party started!” he jumped onto the bed with Josh, dumping all of the contents in his arms onto the mattress. 

 

“You are so extra.” Josh settled on the mattress between the array of snacks, Brendon doing the same next to him. 

 

The entire duration of the movie, Brendon fought the urge to tell Josh what had really took place downstairs, but he couldn’t decide whether or not it was the right thing to do. He just let the guilt eat him alive until the movie finished and they both accidentally fell asleep. 


	14. We're going to a party tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long, I got really busy with finals and christmas and all that jazz. I hope you all had a nice christmas or if you don't celebrate it, very happy holidays! thank goodness 2017 is almost over. 
> 
> enjoy!

Tyler walked away from Josh’s house feeling even worse than he had before.

 

Josh didn’t want to talk to him. Not even that, but he was humiliated in front of the school’s biggest jerk, Brendon Urie. He probably could have handled Josh dissing him just fine, but  _ no,  _ not a single fraction of the universe is on his side. 

 

All things considered, he couldn’t blame Josh for feeling the way he did. He’d already been put through this once and that would be enough for anyone. He knew he had took complete advantage of Josh’s kindness once again, and it was eating at him more than anything else in his life ever has. 

 

Alongside that, Tyler couldn’t help the spike of jealousy that aroused at the prospect of Brendon getting to spend time with the one person he was in dire need of seeing right now. He couldn’t even find it in himself to worry about whether or not Brendon knew about the two of them; he was too overcome with sadness. Anything Brendon knew at this point didn’t bother Tyler in the way it normally would have. 

 

He walked with his head low and hands buried deep in his jacket pocket. Did he give up now? Where would they go from here?  A never ending relay of questions and emotions all swam through Tyler and he was on the verge of another breakdown. As he walked the paved cement up to his house he took his cell phone out and texted his friends. A last resort kind of thing. 

 

**Tyler: Hey guys.**

  
  


**Ash: hey Ty**

  
  


**Dallon: yo**

  
  


**Tyler: Did you guys have anything specific you wanted to do this weekend?** Tyler texted, desperately trying to coax his mind into focusing on other things. 

 

**Dallon: oh shit that reminds me actually,**

  
  


**Dallon: there’s a party I was invited to by some miracle and you both are coming with me**

  
  


**Dallon: tomorrow night. If that wasn’t clear.**

  
  


**Ash: um okay. Tyler? how’s that sound?**

  
  


Normally, Tyler would be completely opposed to attending a party, but seeing as though things weren’t looking so bright for him at the time, he figured it could be a good way to ease some of his built up frustration. 

  
  


**Tyler: Should b fun.**

  
  


**Dallon: good job Tyler. Good decision. Also fret not, I will still be bringing lasagna.**

  
  


**Ash: thank god Dallon I had no idea what I was going to do had you decided not to bring your fucking square pasta**

  
  


**Tyler: I love square pasta**

  
  


**Tyler: Oh, by the way guys I don’t think I’m coming to school tomorrow but I’ll still pick you up. And don’t ask, I’ll explain everything on the morrow.**

  
  


**Ash: everything okay?**

  
  


**Tyler: what did I just say?**

  
  


**Dallon: k we love u.**

  
  


**Ash: :***

 

After an hour or so of more playful banter and planning to get ready at Tyler’s then head straight out to the party afterwards, Tyler said goodbye to his friends and made a beeline straight towards his bed to go to sleep. 

  
  


\--------

 

“Dude! Wake up!” Josh shook Brendon violently, jostling the boy awake. 

 

“What? The fuck?” Brendon shouted harshly, sitting up sharply and looking confused as all hell. 

 

“You slept over last night. It’s time to get ready for school,” Josh replied, groaning as he stood up out of bed. Brendon’s confused demeanor lightened as he stretched and let his hand drag through his mussed up head of hair. 

 

“You got any clothes I can borrow?” 

 

“‘Course. Go look in the drawer and wear whatever you want. I’m gonna get in the shower, you can go in after me.” Josh said with a smile, but anyone could recognize the sadness that it contained. It made Brendon’s heart ache for him; he knew Josh was trying with everything in him to keep a light mood and stay positive, but it was clearly harder than it seemed. 

 

“Okay. I love you, J.” 

 

Josh rolled his eyes and grabbed a discarded towel from somewhere on his bedroom floor. “You too, Bren.” 

 

The two of them finished getting ready, miraculously on time, and walked to school together. Josh could feel the sadness of yesterday’s events weigh on him immensely, but he did his best to put on a war face and deal with it. He was exceptionally nervous about the day ahead of him until he made it to second period and Tyler’s seat was empty. Go figure. 

 

The rest of the day went by without anything significant occurring until he had ran into Brendon after school was dismissed. “We’re going to a party tonight. I’ll be there to get you at 6. Love you!” he shouted over the chaos of high school students, not giving Josh a chance to protest. 

 

In all honesty, after the initial shock, he kind of looked forward to it. He would do anything at this point to get Tyler out of his head, and a party seemed like a pretty decent way to do just that. 


	15. What the fuck, Tyler?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drug and alcohol use are mentioned in this lololol

Tyler hesitantly pulled on his shoes and shrugged a light jacket on, popping the hood over his head. He watched as Dallon and Ashley both worked intently on making sure their presentation was admirable, whilst Tyler put little effort into his. He couldn’t find it in himself to care that much about what he looked like.

 

“Is that what you’re wearing?” asked Ashley, her tone not condensing as much as it was genuinely interested. 

 

“Yeah,” Tyler shrugged. 

 

“Only you can make the homeless look hot, Tyler Joseph.” she encouraged, to which Tyler thanked her and let it reside in hopes it would bring up his self confidence a bit. He needed as much as he could get, seeing as though it was all recently ripped away from him.  Dallon looked away from the mirror to watch the two of them, his hair teased and sticking up in all directions but looking nothing less than godly. If Tyler wasn’t so close to him, and if he hadn’t been hung up on  _ someone else, _ he definitely could see himself swooning over the guy.

 

“You guys ready or what?” he asked, Ashley adding a bit of something to her lips as she nodded. 

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Tyler mumbled. 

 

“Great! Love the enthusiasm, Ty.” Dallon clapped Tyler on the shoulder and gave him a big, charming smile. “Onward and outward!” 

 

\--------------

 

After the short walk to a nearby house in Tyler’s neighbourhood, the three of them made their way inside after being greeted at the door by a slightly intoxicated, unrecognizable teenager.  Not even a full minute in and already Tyler wanted to leave.

 

There was a loud speaker system booming some vaguely familiar rap song towards the back of the living room, which had been cleared of most furniture and anything of value for the sake of room to dance. A crowd of people already danced along the expanse of the small room and held cups of what Tyler assumed was not apple juice. He could pick out a few nameless kids from school here and there. He finds himself wondering just how in the world Dallon got himself invited to this kind of thing. 

 

Before he can soak in any more of his surroundings, he’s being pulled toward an unfamiliar space by Ashley. He freaks out until he realizes he’s in a kitchen, surrounded by various bottles of alcohol and questionable green substances in plastic bags. 

 

“Before you protest, hear me out. I can tell something is really eating at you Ty, and I want you to enjoy yourself just one time. Take a couple shots with me, yeah?” 

 

Tyler considered for a moment, weighing his options and reasons before he realizes that fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen? “Okay, but isn’t it a little early to be drinking?”

 

Ashley laughed and began pouring something clear out of a bottle into two cups. “Everyone here is already drunk or on their way there,” she finishes pouring and hands one of the two cups to Tyler who takes it reluctantly, “cheers!” He lets Ashley hit her cup to his and watches as she downs the liquid with a grimace. Tyler smells it and it resembles the smell of nail polish remover. Using all the will power he could muster, he plugged his nose and consumed the drink, feeling it burn his throat on the way down.

 

“That’s awful,” he chuckles, watching Ashley pour them another. 

 

“I know!” 

 

They continue this for about 5 minutes, both of them having taken 4 shots at this point. Tyler’s legs feel warm and his head is a bit heavy, but he has enough self control to walk back toward the living room where the crowd has more than doubled in size. 

 

“Where did Dallon go?” Tyler asks Ashley, the words feeling heavy on his tongue. He laughs to himself a bit at the revelation. 

 

“Not a clue,” she responds, her words slurred just a bit. “Wanna dance?” 

 

Typically, under regular circumstances, the thought of dancing in front of other people would have set off Tyler's anxiety like nothing else, but his primal instinct to be anxious was compromised under the influence of alcohol. Nothing in that moment seemed more appealing than dancing with Ashley.“Oh my god, absolutely.” 

 

As he danced, Tyler felt like an immense weight had been lifted off his shoulders, the loud and very large crowd of people not bothering him. He doesn’t think about Josh or much of anything except the way the music is seeping into his skin as he throws himself around with Ashley. He knows if anyone was paying enough attention he would have looked absolutely ridiculous, but he was having the time of his life.

 

They danced until Tyler was out of breath and frankly feeling like he might faint, but he laughed in good spirits through it all. They were about to find somewhere to sit until Dallon ran into them and whispered something quickly. “Smoke sesh out back, you guys wanna?”

 

Ashley’s eyes went wide with excitement, making Tyler replicate her emotions. He would typically feel apprehensive about smoking, but the high he was riding was brilliant and he would do anything to be able to feel this good for as long as possible. They followed Dallon out of the house and into a large backyard where a small group of people were gathered, Tyler thankfully not recognizing any of them. They were greeted right away and Tyler could smell the sharp scent of marijuana radiating off of them already as they passed around a brown cigarette of some sorts.

 

“Hey, I’m Tyler.” he introduced himself, smiling like a fool. They all happily welcomed him and his friends and soon enough, the cigarette was being placed in his fingers. He internally freaked out for a second, looking to Dallon for guidance, who looked slightly confused for a second before the realization that Tyler had never done this before set in. 

 

“Oh, right. Tyler is a beginner here, take it easy on him. So what you’re gonna do is hold it up to your lips and suck, but not too hard because it will hurt. Just lightly suck until you feel like you got a good hit. Then try to hold it in for as long as possible and blow it out through your nose if you can. Gets you higher that way.” 

 

Tyler nods and replays the directions in his head, bringing it up to his lips and sucking. He feels his throat burn and his lungs clench and decides to let off, trying to hold it in but failing. He coughs and feels like he can’t get enough air back in his system. 

 

“That was good, Ty! Better than my first time,” Ashley coos, patting his back as he holds his throat. Everyone around him thankfully don’t seem to care, each of them encouraging him as he relaxes and lets his lungs fill again. 

 

The effects are instant and he feels dizzy and weightless, everything around him more intense and extreme. They continue smoking until it’s all burnt out, and Tyler can barely manage a coherent thought. He’s quietly observing his surroundings, everything so very amazing to him.

 

"How ya feeling, Ty-guy?" Dallon chuckles next to him. 

 

Tyler looks up at the taller man at his side, reveling in the sensations he was experiencing. "It seems like you're two-hundred miles away, man." 

 

Dallon cackles at his reply and the group falls into indistinct discussion, Tyler relaxed and having a great time until he hears someone shout something that makes his stomach drop.

 

“Urie, Dun, you guys  _ just  _ missed it! We got a newcomer here stoned off his ass right now,” the group of people laughed, and Tyler suddenly felt like he was going to puke. 

 

“Oh yeah? Who?” Brendon joined them in laughter, coming up to them and stopping dead in his tracks as him and Tyler made eye contact. Even as he felt the attention of everyone in the group on him, none compared to that of which he was receiving from Josh. Josh's gaze was purely occupied by him and he felt his face grow unusually warm. 

 

“Uh, I freaking love weed. I gotta go.” Tyler rushed back toward the house, ignoring his friend’s calls for him to wait. 

 

How could Tyler not have considered the possibility that Josh would be there? If he had, he knew he would never have agreed to come. Now he was high and possibly drunk and just made a total ass of himself for the second time. He could feel the sadness of the situation seeping back into him and he clawed frustratingly at his hair. He was somewhere inside now, thankfully alone. He felt himself struggling to keep a light demeanor. He needed to be happy again. He couldn’t be sad right now. That stupid pink haired boy was not going to take away the only experience of happiness he's had in a very long time.

 

Tyler stumbled back into the kitchen where he was met with a guy who looked a bit older than he was, leaning against the counter and taking a swig from a cup. He smiled sheepishly at the stranger. 

 

“Oh boy, you’re pretty fucked up, aren’t you?” the stranger spoke, his voice gravelly and smooth. It reminded him of Josh. Tyler licked his lips. 

 

“Not nearly fucked up enough,” Tyler slurred. 

 

“Want some help with that?” the stranger inquired, to which Tyler nodded enthusiastically and felt his mouth water at the sight of the guy pouring a drink. He took it with no hesitation and let it slip down his throat. 

 

“More.” 

 

The man compiled and poured Tyler shots after every command. They made casual conversation with each other during the experience, and Tyler could feel himself slipping further and further away from cognizance with each passing second. 

 

He was about to take another shot before both Dallon and Ashley both came barging into the kitchen, both of them looking mildly pissed off and concerned. “We’ll be taking him now, thanks.” Dallon spat towards the stranger midway through pouring another drink. 

 

“N-no, you see guys he’s my friend.” Tyler protested, but was in no shape to resist Dallon’s strong arms picking him up and taking him away from the kitchen. 

 

“Tyler, this is  _ not  _ what I meant when I said I wanted you to enjoy yourself. You are absolutely wasted!” Ashley yelled. Tyler just laughed in response. He was completely incapable of assessing the gravity of his current situation, his mind only thinking about Josh and his pink hair and pretty nose ring. 

 

“Where’s Josh? I wanna see him.” Tyler stated, disregarding his friend's anger as he feelt himself being sat down. He realized he was back outside, the cool air against his skin being his indicator. 

 

“Why the hell do you want to see Josh?” Dallon furrowed his eyebrows, blatantly confused at Tyler’s odd request. 

 

“Oh, oh! I forgot to tell ya, silly old me. Well Josh kissed me yesterday and I really like him so I please just want to see him. Okay?” 

 

Dallon and Ashley simultaneously dropped their jaws and shouted. “What the fuck, Tyler?” 


	16. Let's go home

“I’m so, so sorry dude. I had no idea he would be here, otherwise I wouldn’t have made you come, because obviously that just defeats the entire purpose, you know?” Brendon babbled, very obviously apprehensive at Josh’s reaction to seeing Tyler. 

 

In all honesty, he wasn’t as distraught as he normally would have been at seeing the boy. He was mainly focused on how etheral Tyler looked, his eyes glazed over and hooded, lips parted and swollen. How Josh may have felt was inconsequential compared to way he looked.

Tyler stoned was a sight to see. He would admit, however, that the familiar itch to seek Tyler out was undeniably present. That was just that. 

 

“It’s cool. Let’s just smoke, yeah?” he settled on. 

 

Brendon said nothing further, giving him a sympathetic smile and proceeding to converse with the group of people around them. Josh joined in where he could, trying to get Tyler out of his head, but no amount of social interaction or intoxication from the marijuana succeeded in doing so. 

 

It was exhausting, and after a while of sitting outside with Brendon and the others, Josh decided to take himself elsewhere. He needed a change of environment. 

 

Josh contemplated on where to go or what to do, having gotten away from the group without drawing any attention to himself. He was just being a downer anyways, surely. He settled on sitting himself in a corner near a table in the living room where a few people were grinding on each other in the middle of the room. He sighed, letting himself sulk under the music and loud voices. 

 

He observed the house, looking at all the framed pictures of a happy family, until something obscured his view. He looked up, finding himself face to face with Dallon Weekes, Tyler’s friend. 

 

“Listen. I wouldn’t normally do this, but Tyler is sitting outside absolutely wrecked and he keeps asking for you. He won’t talk otherwise.” he huffed, clearly irritated. Josh just sat there, a bit dumbfounded at the words the taller man just spoke to him. Did he hear him right? 

 

“Are you serious?” Josh asked for confirmation, a small spark of joy igniting in his chest. 

 

“As a heart attack.” 

 

Josh’s breath hitched. “Well, do I go?” 

 

Dallon rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t think so. You don’t look like you’re being very productive in here, anyhow.” he gestured towards Josh’s slumping, isolated figure. 

“Yeah.” Josh exhaled, bracing himself. “Take me to him, then.” They walked together through the crowd of drunken people until they reached the front door. Seconds after Dallon pushed it open, Josh could hear the faint cries from Tyler that become more distinct the closer they got. 

 

“He’s a mess, dude. He’s stoned  _ and  _ wasted off his ass for the very first time.” 

 

Josh could do nothing but nod his head as they walked toward two shadows, one crouched and sobbing into their hands and the other hovering above. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth, things he wasn’t sure he wanted to admit would begin to find their way out. 

 

Dallon was right, though. Tyler was an absolute mess- so much so that he didn’t realize Ashley and Dallon had walked away and his company was replaced by Josh, the very person he was beckoning in his cries. Josh stood awkwardly over him, considering his next move. He crouched so that his face was level with Tyler’s and put a gentle hand on his arm in hopes to coax him out of his fit. 

 

Tyler’s crying momentarily stopped, his breath hitching audibly. He brought his face from out of his hands and met Josh’s eyes. 

 

“Josh?” he asked, his voice scratchy and burned by sadness. 

 

Josh felt his heart ache. “Yeah, Ty. It’s me.” he whispered back, his hand rubbing Tyler’s smooth skin comfortingly. The contact burned in the best possible way. 

 

Tyler’s tears picked up again, his lip quivering. “I’m so fucking sorry, I’m such a douchebag. I can’t even feel my own legs right now and I’m so mean to you but Josh, I love you! I’m scared because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you-” he slurred, his words hard to decipher but Josh was able to pick up on every last one. 

 

And  _ oh _ , how bitter sweet they were. 

 

“Tyler.” 

 

Tyler sniffed hard and burped, the alcohol stirring his insides. “Hm?” 

 

“You’re in no place to be talking like this, why don’t I take you home and we can talk tomorrow?” Josh suggested, knowing that they most likely would not be talking tomorrow. He knew that as soon as he let Tyler go, that would be it for them again. But he needed to make sure Tyler ended up okay. 

 

Because damn, did Josh love him back. 

 

Tyler nodded violently. “N-no, listen to me.” Tyler grabbed Josh’s hand from his arm and placed soft kisses along the expanse of it. “M’ really in love with you.” 

 

Josh was getting lost in the feeling, his self-control becoming compromised with every passing second. 

 

“ _ Tyler.”  _ he tried to use the most authoritative tone he could, obviously effective. Tyler jumped and let go of Josh’s hand, his eyes glazing over with tears again. 

 

“Baby,  _ please _ , you can’t play with my heart like this. Let me take you home so you can sleep, okay?” Josh pleaded, observing Tyler’s face as best as he could in the dark. 

 

“The only way I’m leaving is if you take me home with you.” Tyler stated. 

 

He had no other choice. He knew Tyler was stubborn and he couldn’t imagine how much him being intoxicated amplified that. He stood up and grabbed Tyler’s hand, pulling the drunk boy up as swiftly as he could. Tyler wobbled a bit but was able to stand upright. 

 

Josh intertwined their fingers. “Let’s go home then.” 


	17. Pretty odd

Tyler woke up the following morning to a few things.

 

One and the most distinct of those things being the headache from hell that resided in his head, causing him to involuntarily groan. Two being he was  _ not  _ in his own bed, which caused him to momentarily panic, adding to the discomfort of his headache. And very lastly, he was sporting a hard-on which wasn’t abnormal when he first woke up, but it certainly was the last thing he wanted to be worried about in this moment. 

 

He took a moment to think about where he could have ended up after the party, and it all hit him faster and harder than a ton of bricks- him smoking, him taking countless shots of clear fluids, and then being dragged home by Josh. Everything in between was fuzzy and unclear. 

 

Tyler was just about to open his eyes and face his cruel reality before the bedroom door swung open and in came Josh, pink-hair unpleasantly bright as he let in the sunshine. Tyler grunted and covered his face with Josh’s comforter. 

 

“I see you’ve been revived.” Josh stated, mindful to be quite. He closed the door gently behind him. Tyler had no energy to reply, instead opting to remain under the comforter that smelled oddly pleasant. 

 

“Ty, the sooner you face your hangover the sooner it will pass.” Josh said sweetly, sitting on the bed beside him. 

 

“Fine.” Tyler let the blanket come off of him, but not farther than his waist. He was still currently trying to will one of his  _ issues  _ away. He looked up to Josh sitting next to him, smiling sadly down at him. 

 

Tyler had no idea what he should say. On one hand, the tension from their encounter at school still sat thick between them, and on the other, he had no memory of what occured the night before. 

 

Luckily he didn’t have to struggle for long because Josh was looking away and grabbing something off of his nightstand. “Here’s some water and a couple of Advil.” 

 

Tyler opened his mouth to let Josh place the pills into them, expecting him to just drop them inside. Instead, Josh looked momentarily thrown off, but delicately placed each individual tablet onto his tongue. He cupped Tyler’s chin and tipped the glass of water back, slowly to prevent him from choking, and even pushed his mouth shut. All Tyler could do was swallow and stare up at Josh in awe. 

 

Whatever had just occurred between them contained a subdued amount of intimacy. They held each other’s eye contact for what seemed like eternity the entire time. Josh hadn’t moved away from Tyler’s face. 

 

For whatever reason, Tyler finally gained enough of his common sense back to realize that this is exactly what was meant to happen between him and Josh. All the internalized fear of falling for another guy, all the struggle to grasp the concept of falling in love in general- the entire ordeal, all of that was completely irrelevant in this moment. A lot of things may never make sense to Tyler, but he could always count on Josh to clear his mind and put things into perspective for him when he couldn’t do it for himself. And that’s all that really mattered. It just took him longer than he’s happy to admit for him to realize it. 

 

Taking a deep breath and letting himself be willed by the infatuation he had with the other boy, Tyler leaned up slowly until there was no space between them and let his lips be met with Josh’s. At first, it was just pure shock between them, but after a few seconds Josh was pushing Tyler’s head back down and moving his lips accordingly. 

 

If Tyler got made fun of for the rest of his life for this, then so be it- but with Josh’s lips against his and his hands resting on his face, he could feel everything fall into place. Nothing in his entire life has felt so completely  _ right  _ to him. Not to mention any chances of him willing away his boner right now were practically gone, but he could worry about that later. 

 

They kissed for a few minutes until oxygen took priority again and they broke away from each other. It was silent for a few minutes, just Josh panting with his eyes closed as his head rested in Tyler’s hand. 

 

“If you run away right now, I may literally shoot myself.” Josh said in what he thought was a joking way, but Tyler could detect the hint of sincerity in it and it made him want to cry. 

 

“Josh, I- I can’t say that I don’t know what I did was wasn’t wrong, because it was. It was so wrong. And if I could have done something to come to my senses way earlier, I would have in a heartbeat, but I didn’t and for that I am  _ really  _ sorry.” he took a deep breath, considering how to go about what he wanted to say next. “I think I needed all of that to happen to realize that I think I- I love you. And you don’t need to say it back. I’m not sure about a lot of things, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve loved you for a long time.” 

 

Tyler had involuntarily averted his eyes from Josh’s during his speech, too scared of what he might have found within them. 

 

“That’s odd, because I think I’ve loved you for a while, too.” Josh said, sporting the biggest grin Tyler has ever seen. 

 

“Pretty odd.” Tyler agreed, smiling back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! thank you guys for reading the first fic I've ever finished. I know I could have done more with this, but I liked how this sounded for an ending and I'm ready to start writing something new. 
> 
> thank you again! 
> 
> *heart emoji*


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